Saturday, September 29, 2007
=)
This must be a good week for me huh. The guys are all treating me nicely. Smiles! so far 3 people sent me home already and i'm touched! Thanks. You know who you are. =)
SP_A0134.jpg)
This must be a good week for me huh. The guys are all treating me nicely. Smiles! so far 3 people sent me home already and i'm touched! Thanks. You know who you are. =)
SP_A0134.jpg)
Friday, September 28, 2007
I just read a really touching post by jun. His grandma had passed away and he had dedicated a whole blog entry to her. Life is just so fragile. Though cliche, it really is uncertain the amount of time we have here living amongst everyone. Who knows what tomorrow brings. Reading his entry made me realise too that i should appreciate my grandma more. She was also the one who took care of me when i was a mere toddler, though she has dementia now, she is still the adorable grandma that i always have. I know that her health has not been good, now i know to spend more time with her. I'm sorry jun that such cruelty of death has occurred but i trust that you would be strong and pull through.
Talking about my grandma. There was once when i visited her earlier this year with my cousin. I had not visited her for some months and was shocked to see her older than the last time. Physically the mop of white hair just could not turn any whiter but upon speaking to her do you realise that the dementia is worsening.
That day, i asked her if she still remembered who i was. I expected her to give me an answer right out seeing how i spent almost half my life till now living with her. The answer that she gave me had me stunned. She did not recognise me as her grand daughter instead she mistook me for some lady probably some daughter of her friend that purportedly lives in red hill. I took it as a shock and decided to tell her my identity. What i did not expect was for her to deny who i was. She did not believe that i was her jiayi insisting fervently that i was who she claimed i was. I showed her pictures taken with my dad, her son, and instead of believing me she shook her head and asked me "what are you doing in that picture?". I was broken. Its one thing for her to forget and another for her to not believe me. I just could not accept it. Afterall i was the one whom she raised! The one whom she brought to the market, the one whom she taught hainanese to, the one whom she made milo for and the one whom she cooks for. Am i so easily forgotten?
Just a few days ago on her birthday i went to visit her again. This time it was a sort of family gathering. I told her who i was and this time, she remembers. Only this time, it was different from the other years. She no longer twirl me around and comment about how much i have grown or changed. She was more contented with sitting on the sofa and watching everyone. I felt a sudden surge of emotions so i went forward to hug her and hold her. She seems so frail. Like a child. She makes me want to protect her like how she once did years before. I made it a point to sit next to her, talk to her and accompany her. At the dinning table, i became the mother hen and i filled her bowl with food. Very much like what she used to do for me. My aunt observed my behavior and commented that i have grown up. I shrugged. It doesn't matter to me. Cutting the cake i could see her smiling and enjoying being the centre of attraction. Her radiance shone through. It is so heartening to see her that way.... When we were leaving, she reached out and hugged me, kissing me too. It was almost as though i were young again. As i held her i felt this surge of emotions. The love that only a grandma is capable of giving to her grand daughter. I love her. Dementia might rob her of memories but i will still remember for it matters, to me.
-loves-
What an emotional start.
Okie back to more mundane stuffs like exams....
Really bad results.
I do not know what is still wrong.
Met my teachers today.
No major problem with me.
Conceptually i'm fine.
No doubt.
I understand.
But that understanding is not translating into my grades.
Doesn't seem as though i had done anything.
Carelessness.
My pitfall.
Disappointment.
I just gotta be more careful and focus on the requirements of the qns.
I know i can do it.
At least that much i'm sure.
Its a battle.
I intend to emerge victorious.
And this time, i will.
Frustration would only serve to spur me.
Mindset.
pics next post...
Talking about my grandma. There was once when i visited her earlier this year with my cousin. I had not visited her for some months and was shocked to see her older than the last time. Physically the mop of white hair just could not turn any whiter but upon speaking to her do you realise that the dementia is worsening.
That day, i asked her if she still remembered who i was. I expected her to give me an answer right out seeing how i spent almost half my life till now living with her. The answer that she gave me had me stunned. She did not recognise me as her grand daughter instead she mistook me for some lady probably some daughter of her friend that purportedly lives in red hill. I took it as a shock and decided to tell her my identity. What i did not expect was for her to deny who i was. She did not believe that i was her jiayi insisting fervently that i was who she claimed i was. I showed her pictures taken with my dad, her son, and instead of believing me she shook her head and asked me "what are you doing in that picture?". I was broken. Its one thing for her to forget and another for her to not believe me. I just could not accept it. Afterall i was the one whom she raised! The one whom she brought to the market, the one whom she taught hainanese to, the one whom she made milo for and the one whom she cooks for. Am i so easily forgotten?
Just a few days ago on her birthday i went to visit her again. This time it was a sort of family gathering. I told her who i was and this time, she remembers. Only this time, it was different from the other years. She no longer twirl me around and comment about how much i have grown or changed. She was more contented with sitting on the sofa and watching everyone. I felt a sudden surge of emotions so i went forward to hug her and hold her. She seems so frail. Like a child. She makes me want to protect her like how she once did years before. I made it a point to sit next to her, talk to her and accompany her. At the dinning table, i became the mother hen and i filled her bowl with food. Very much like what she used to do for me. My aunt observed my behavior and commented that i have grown up. I shrugged. It doesn't matter to me. Cutting the cake i could see her smiling and enjoying being the centre of attraction. Her radiance shone through. It is so heartening to see her that way.... When we were leaving, she reached out and hugged me, kissing me too. It was almost as though i were young again. As i held her i felt this surge of emotions. The love that only a grandma is capable of giving to her grand daughter. I love her. Dementia might rob her of memories but i will still remember for it matters, to me.
-loves-
What an emotional start.
Okie back to more mundane stuffs like exams....
Really bad results.
I do not know what is still wrong.
Met my teachers today.
No major problem with me.
Conceptually i'm fine.
No doubt.
I understand.
But that understanding is not translating into my grades.
Doesn't seem as though i had done anything.
Carelessness.
My pitfall.
Disappointment.
I just gotta be more careful and focus on the requirements of the qns.
I know i can do it.
At least that much i'm sure.
Its a battle.
I intend to emerge victorious.
And this time, i will.
Frustration would only serve to spur me.
Mindset.
pics next post...
Thursday, September 27, 2007
This is going to be a boring post but it will mean much to me.
Joyce is so not feeling well. I'm out of sorts to speak the truth. I wonder where the original me has gone. I just seem to be invaded by this spirit which i came to know as FEAR. He eats at me slowly, makes me behave like a mutant, can't sleep because he can't differentiate between day and night constantly pestering me. The worst thing? I think it is threatening to overwhelm me. I have never felt this way before, so lost, so vulnerable, so scared and so tired.
FEAR wasn't here by accident. He was invited by CONFUSION and INSECURITY-his 2 best friends. In light of them threatening to budge in and claiming ownership of THAT place, original tenants- HAPPINESS and CONTENTMENT simply stood their ground. The powers of both have since diminished due to the long term struggle for the rightful ownership of THAT place. They just kept hanging on till one fine day, with the help of an external source EXAMS wearing his new suit from RESULTS, CONFUSION and INSECURITY won their battle. It was a long hard battle. Even now, HAPPINESS and CONTENTMENT would occasionally knock on the door of THAT place to be invited in in hopes of getting it back my slowly spreading their influence and branding it. Sometimes they got lucky and could get invited for tea, other times, they get driven away as soon as they step in.
After some time, HAPPINESS and CONTENTMENT realised that it was futile to try getting into THAT place to assert any claim on it again. In fact, they have failed for the last couple of months to get into THAT place. They thought and came up with the idea that they could make talismans, selling it cheaply on the streets so that everyone would be guaranteed to carry one. This was in hopes of a possibility of getting one or more of these talisman into THAT place and thus increase their powers in THAT place. They figured that their presence was not needed just yet. They did just that.
Many bought those really cool and nice looking talisman. In all luck, FAMILY, FRIENDS and many close neighbours bought them too. When visiting THAT place, they inadvertently brought along bits of HAPPINESS and CONTENTMENT. THAT place now enjoys a certain familiarity from those talisman that were its previous tenants whenever FAMILY and FRIENDS were around.
I can't seem to continue... In case u are clueless, THAT place refers to me.
Its very disheartening to know that however much hard work you put in just might not translates to the grade that you deserve. What is the whole point now? It is not that i'm harping on my less(x100) than satisfying results and not moving on. It is really not that. I just feel lost. I do not know how to go on and continue on in studies. Is it really more important that i have shown improvement? What if the improvement is so minor that it practically does not make any difference?
I really feel as though i am not able to smile sincerely anymore. Its as though i have forgotten how to. So much things on my mind i can't even think. Think of me as being heartless and cold, i am totally not doing that purposely. I know some of you think that i'm just going through a phase and i'm just throwing a temper. But that's not the case. I find myself less willing to talk and interact, preferring to keep to myself and sulk or just stone. I'm tired. Quality sleep? I tried i really did. Slept early and all but i sleep fitfully suddenly waking up in the middle of the night to find myself being shocked into being awoken sitting up. I'm freaking. I do not know what is happening. Is this normal? Do i go to the doctor to get some anti-depressants? Am i thinking too much?
I'm not sure. Not anymore. Not even of my feelings. I'm so messed up i feel like burying myself. Will you hold me tight?
Joyce is so not feeling well. I'm out of sorts to speak the truth. I wonder where the original me has gone. I just seem to be invaded by this spirit which i came to know as FEAR. He eats at me slowly, makes me behave like a mutant, can't sleep because he can't differentiate between day and night constantly pestering me. The worst thing? I think it is threatening to overwhelm me. I have never felt this way before, so lost, so vulnerable, so scared and so tired.
FEAR wasn't here by accident. He was invited by CONFUSION and INSECURITY-his 2 best friends. In light of them threatening to budge in and claiming ownership of THAT place, original tenants- HAPPINESS and CONTENTMENT simply stood their ground. The powers of both have since diminished due to the long term struggle for the rightful ownership of THAT place. They just kept hanging on till one fine day, with the help of an external source EXAMS wearing his new suit from RESULTS, CONFUSION and INSECURITY won their battle. It was a long hard battle. Even now, HAPPINESS and CONTENTMENT would occasionally knock on the door of THAT place to be invited in in hopes of getting it back my slowly spreading their influence and branding it. Sometimes they got lucky and could get invited for tea, other times, they get driven away as soon as they step in.
After some time, HAPPINESS and CONTENTMENT realised that it was futile to try getting into THAT place to assert any claim on it again. In fact, they have failed for the last couple of months to get into THAT place. They thought and came up with the idea that they could make talismans, selling it cheaply on the streets so that everyone would be guaranteed to carry one. This was in hopes of a possibility of getting one or more of these talisman into THAT place and thus increase their powers in THAT place. They figured that their presence was not needed just yet. They did just that.
Many bought those really cool and nice looking talisman. In all luck, FAMILY, FRIENDS and many close neighbours bought them too. When visiting THAT place, they inadvertently brought along bits of HAPPINESS and CONTENTMENT. THAT place now enjoys a certain familiarity from those talisman that were its previous tenants whenever FAMILY and FRIENDS were around.
I can't seem to continue... In case u are clueless, THAT place refers to me.
Its very disheartening to know that however much hard work you put in just might not translates to the grade that you deserve. What is the whole point now? It is not that i'm harping on my less(x100) than satisfying results and not moving on. It is really not that. I just feel lost. I do not know how to go on and continue on in studies. Is it really more important that i have shown improvement? What if the improvement is so minor that it practically does not make any difference?
I really feel as though i am not able to smile sincerely anymore. Its as though i have forgotten how to. So much things on my mind i can't even think. Think of me as being heartless and cold, i am totally not doing that purposely. I know some of you think that i'm just going through a phase and i'm just throwing a temper. But that's not the case. I find myself less willing to talk and interact, preferring to keep to myself and sulk or just stone. I'm tired. Quality sleep? I tried i really did. Slept early and all but i sleep fitfully suddenly waking up in the middle of the night to find myself being shocked into being awoken sitting up. I'm freaking. I do not know what is happening. Is this normal? Do i go to the doctor to get some anti-depressants? Am i thinking too much?
I'm not sure. Not anymore. Not even of my feelings. I'm so messed up i feel like burying myself. Will you hold me tight?
Monday, September 24, 2007
When all things fail. A good old smile won't ever fail. That's the truth and that is it.
I love smiles. =) laughter and all things cheerful.
You know, all of a sudden i'm unsure of how much i can say here because i am totally unaware of who are the people reading my blog! I could be pouring my inner most feelings to people that i barely know. Somehow the thought scares me now it never bothered me before. Why? I wonder. Let me think about it.
Blog-hopped a little before coming here to blog myself. Seems like the things that we talk and blog about nowadays are really boring stuffs. Okie not exactly all boring but toned down i should say. The stuffs about relationships working out or even developing the thought of remaining single through these years the thought that someone is secretly having a crush on you. HAHA! All that nonsense is pretty entertaining sometimes. xp But that is only found on some blogs. Others? More about their mugging habits, exams and stress and what have you?
I'm gonna cut this short cause i'm tired out.
-i dreamt. Of you. Coming to meet me. You engulfed me in your arms. I smiled sweetly at you. And suddenly it was all sunshine and rainbows. It was but a dream.-
BYE
I love smiles. =) laughter and all things cheerful.
You know, all of a sudden i'm unsure of how much i can say here because i am totally unaware of who are the people reading my blog! I could be pouring my inner most feelings to people that i barely know. Somehow the thought scares me now it never bothered me before. Why? I wonder. Let me think about it.
Blog-hopped a little before coming here to blog myself. Seems like the things that we talk and blog about nowadays are really boring stuffs. Okie not exactly all boring but toned down i should say. The stuffs about relationships working out or even developing the thought of remaining single through these years the thought that someone is secretly having a crush on you. HAHA! All that nonsense is pretty entertaining sometimes. xp But that is only found on some blogs. Others? More about their mugging habits, exams and stress and what have you?
I'm gonna cut this short cause i'm tired out.
-i dreamt. Of you. Coming to meet me. You engulfed me in your arms. I smiled sweetly at you. And suddenly it was all sunshine and rainbows. It was but a dream.-
BYE
Sunday, September 23, 2007
HEYO! I'm in a good good mood! It is as though all the exam stress and all have left me and i'm feeling on the mend now. =) it might be short-lived but that's all that matters now!
We may not do much but i'm grateful for what we do do. Its the company that matters. Haha!! And i cannot think too much. No no no. Not that i am thinking too much though. xp
The rain spoilt the changi exploration but we did something else instead. Long time din walk so far le. Exercise lo! hahaha!! Lavender to bugis to PS to orchard. How many miles is that?! Lol. And i totally love national library and the calming effect it has on me.=)
Long bus journeys and long walks. and the sharing! Oh well i enjoyed it all.
angel and mortal. haha!
We may not do much but i'm grateful for what we do do. Its the company that matters. Haha!! And i cannot think too much. No no no. Not that i am thinking too much though. xp
The rain spoilt the changi exploration but we did something else instead. Long time din walk so far le. Exercise lo! hahaha!! Lavender to bugis to PS to orchard. How many miles is that?! Lol. And i totally love national library and the calming effect it has on me.=)
Long bus journeys and long walks. and the sharing! Oh well i enjoyed it all.
angel and mortal. haha!
Friday, September 21, 2007
You know when you have gotten it bad when you find yourself doing things out of your way in order to do something for that someone. I guess that is true.
I'm leaving it at that.
Oh and i miss my old friends so much i'm feeling "friendsick". After As that is what everybody seems to be saying. I hope that really is the end of this hardship. Its a period of trials. Testing my patience..
I'm leaving it at that.
Oh and i miss my old friends so much i'm feeling "friendsick". After As that is what everybody seems to be saying. I hope that really is the end of this hardship. Its a period of trials. Testing my patience..
Thursday, September 20, 2007
I typed a whole bunch of stuffs and just deleted it. Lost my ability to blog. =(
But i had quite a nice day.
Bye.
But i had quite a nice day.
Bye.
Yeah it is the mugging season. Lets all take time off after the horrible prelims to laugh and relax.
www.engrish.com
Got me laughing like crazy.
Try it see if it works!
Alright prelims is over!!! HURRAY!!! One of the earliest few to be done with it. Luckiness. =)
Now all that matters is the results, and loads of rest. Something else too but that's for later lets just take joy in small things first. xp
Hmm.. Just now i was watching the tv. Some drama series. Something that the female lead said struck me as so familiar. I guess i feel that way too. Seriously. Just now too, i talked to my long time old old friend. She said she has never seen me like that before. I guess it is true. Haha.. So many unknowns in the world. So many unanswered questions. No model answer for such a question. Maybe someday it would be known but in the near future? Nahh.
Okie time for some good slp! Baya complained that i have real bad dark circles such that my veins even show! Goodness no more of that at least not for this week =). Rest week. What should i do tml? Thinking thinking thinking.
"facing up to my feelings"
www.engrish.com
Got me laughing like crazy.
Try it see if it works!
Alright prelims is over!!! HURRAY!!! One of the earliest few to be done with it. Luckiness. =)
Now all that matters is the results, and loads of rest. Something else too but that's for later lets just take joy in small things first. xp
Hmm.. Just now i was watching the tv. Some drama series. Something that the female lead said struck me as so familiar. I guess i feel that way too. Seriously. Just now too, i talked to my long time old old friend. She said she has never seen me like that before. I guess it is true. Haha.. So many unknowns in the world. So many unanswered questions. No model answer for such a question. Maybe someday it would be known but in the near future? Nahh.
Okie time for some good slp! Baya complained that i have real bad dark circles such that my veins even show! Goodness no more of that at least not for this week =). Rest week. What should i do tml? Thinking thinking thinking.
"facing up to my feelings"
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
TML 5 pm...
Free girl.
For a while.
=)
-you make me light headed and heavy hearted all at the same time. haha its possible.-
Free girl.
For a while.
=)
-you make me light headed and heavy hearted all at the same time. haha its possible.-
Ooh... Don't you think i do not know what is going on.
Haha you are not that hard to read actually.
But somehow i rather not know because it just breaks my heart.
I just want to sigh.
hmm and i keep forgetting to ask you that qns lingering on my mind. I keep forgetting.
HAHA. See if i remember.
Last paper on Wed. Geog. Afternoon paper.
Any dates after that? xp
Weekdays =)
I want to shop.
I need slippers. Nice ones. That will not make me accidentally slip and regain balance in an awkward manner. Shopping! soon~
Haha you are not that hard to read actually.
But somehow i rather not know because it just breaks my heart.
I just want to sigh.
hmm and i keep forgetting to ask you that qns lingering on my mind. I keep forgetting.
HAHA. See if i remember.
Last paper on Wed. Geog. Afternoon paper.
Any dates after that? xp
Weekdays =)
I want to shop.
I need slippers. Nice ones. That will not make me accidentally slip and regain balance in an awkward manner. Shopping! soon~
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
ITS THE WEEKENDS!!
I have never been so glad in my life to have weekends. I'm so tired-physically and mentally. Thank goodness for a breather for a short 2 days. I almost forgot that there are such things as weekends already. What a blur girl.
Okie guitar shopping with mian today makes me realise how much I MISS GUITAR. The ensemble and the playing itself. haiz. I miss it all too much. Make sure i spend quality time with my guitar after my As. I promise my beloved guitar. =) The cords the plucking the strings the tuning. Explaining all these to mian makes it all come back to me again. I miss it so!!
Okie yes. Econs paper is over. I'm glad i managed to attempt all qns but whether i do well is another matter. We'll let the results be the final judge.
And i look pale. Yes i do.
Cheek got pinched today. i felt like a child for a moment. LOL! Like how u can't resist pinching those chubby cheeks of small children. yeah...
I am not feeling well. Hope panadol helps.
I have never been so glad in my life to have weekends. I'm so tired-physically and mentally. Thank goodness for a breather for a short 2 days. I almost forgot that there are such things as weekends already. What a blur girl.
Okie guitar shopping with mian today makes me realise how much I MISS GUITAR. The ensemble and the playing itself. haiz. I miss it all too much. Make sure i spend quality time with my guitar after my As. I promise my beloved guitar. =) The cords the plucking the strings the tuning. Explaining all these to mian makes it all come back to me again. I miss it so!!
Okie yes. Econs paper is over. I'm glad i managed to attempt all qns but whether i do well is another matter. We'll let the results be the final judge.
And i look pale. Yes i do.
Cheek got pinched today. i felt like a child for a moment. LOL! Like how u can't resist pinching those chubby cheeks of small children. yeah...
I am not feeling well. Hope panadol helps.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
How many of you people was observant enough or had "lousy" quality housing that you were able to experience the tumors that shook Singapore twice once last night and once again this morning?
I was one of those people. What an experience. Woke up to a wobbling bed.
Oh guess what? My dad bought these stoppers to place on my bed legs to prevent the scrapping of the floor. Apparently these stoppers are used in Japan to reduce impact of earthquakes. The jelly like material would absorb the shock. That was what contributed to the wobbling of my bed this morning.
I told mom and she din believe. But when she was just leaving the house and me alone at home, she told me to take care and hide under the table! Haha ain't she the cutest? =)
Alright time to wash up then leave for study time. Loads of econs to cover...
I was one of those people. What an experience. Woke up to a wobbling bed.
Oh guess what? My dad bought these stoppers to place on my bed legs to prevent the scrapping of the floor. Apparently these stoppers are used in Japan to reduce impact of earthquakes. The jelly like material would absorb the shock. That was what contributed to the wobbling of my bed this morning.
I told mom and she din believe. But when she was just leaving the house and me alone at home, she told me to take care and hide under the table! Haha ain't she the cutest? =)
Alright time to wash up then leave for study time. Loads of econs to cover...
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Torn and battered everytime i walk out of the examination hall or battlefield would be a more apt term. I keep asking myself, assessing my own performance(or lack thereof) for that particular paper. It has been not smooth sailing so far...
For the first time. Guess what? The chem paper is easier than the math paper. The math paper is just a pure killer. Totally not doable. I hated it. Doesn't help when the invigilator is my math teacher, sitting RIGHT in front of me. Gosh the tremendous amount of pressure that he unknowingly imposed upon me. I am so traumatized by the whole experience. I still am. That feeling of knowing you did practice for math and yet the paper is just so complicated. Can't help but ask what's the point of studying so much. Alright i shall take comfort in the fact that i did know how to do the MI and summation qns cause i did it in some revision exercise somewhere. It just doesn't seem enough...
Chem and geog. I hope and pray. I can't say anything more. Time management for chem!! And i chiong through geog. Good or bad thing? I can't decide. Know why? Cause it either means that i have nothing to write/did not write enough to score a decent grade or that i know my stuffs so well it flows out of me really efficiently. I can't say which i only know i got really tensed during the exams my shoulders ached so much i had to stop writing for a while. It was that bad.
3 papers over. I'm out of sorts. Mood swings. Raging hormones going crazy. I'm in such a mess. If only you had said yes. Maybe things might have been different. Maybe.
I like this. Maybe i read it somewhere maybe i just thought of it. I'm not too sure. "For the amount of insecurities that i have are so numerous, they can wrap around me like a security blanket." The irony of it.
I'm so low down in the doldrums. =(
For the first time. Guess what? The chem paper is easier than the math paper. The math paper is just a pure killer. Totally not doable. I hated it. Doesn't help when the invigilator is my math teacher, sitting RIGHT in front of me. Gosh the tremendous amount of pressure that he unknowingly imposed upon me. I am so traumatized by the whole experience. I still am. That feeling of knowing you did practice for math and yet the paper is just so complicated. Can't help but ask what's the point of studying so much. Alright i shall take comfort in the fact that i did know how to do the MI and summation qns cause i did it in some revision exercise somewhere. It just doesn't seem enough...
Chem and geog. I hope and pray. I can't say anything more. Time management for chem!! And i chiong through geog. Good or bad thing? I can't decide. Know why? Cause it either means that i have nothing to write/did not write enough to score a decent grade or that i know my stuffs so well it flows out of me really efficiently. I can't say which i only know i got really tensed during the exams my shoulders ached so much i had to stop writing for a while. It was that bad.
3 papers over. I'm out of sorts. Mood swings. Raging hormones going crazy. I'm in such a mess. If only you had said yes. Maybe things might have been different. Maybe.
I like this. Maybe i read it somewhere maybe i just thought of it. I'm not too sure. "For the amount of insecurities that i have are so numerous, they can wrap around me like a security blanket." The irony of it.
I'm so low down in the doldrums. =(
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
I'm just lost.
Will you hold my hand tight and lead the way? I don't like stumbling and falling ever so often.
I wonder...
Will you hold my hand tight and lead the way? I don't like stumbling and falling ever so often.
I wonder...
Monday, September 10, 2007
I like my name. =)
The way to battle stress is to relax and tell yourself that it will be worth it all in the end. Its true though. Take time off to just enjoy the surroundings and enjoy your existence. There might be pressures in life but not everything in life is causing you this intense stress. Just like stolen moments. xp I am having a couple of secret stolen moments of smiles with myself. Content with my own company. =) Nope i am not anti-social. Just enjoying being with myself. And those times spent chatting online with this person that would make you light up and brighten when that nick appear on your online list. Easy chatting. It is easier if you are just being yourself and not distracted or tired. The best times in your life.
Can't neglect my family too. They are just such dears! My bro is always there to pre-offer his cheek and hugs my parents supporting me in my studies buying all the food for me to snack on when i'm busy studying and the chicken essence. And them not complaining when i keep going out to study though i do spend a substantial amount everytime. =)
I'm just a lucky girl.
I have you for a while more before you leave for that place.
You say you forget things easily.
Me?
and this..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqzLclWPY_w&mode=related&search=
The way to battle stress is to relax and tell yourself that it will be worth it all in the end. Its true though. Take time off to just enjoy the surroundings and enjoy your existence. There might be pressures in life but not everything in life is causing you this intense stress. Just like stolen moments. xp I am having a couple of secret stolen moments of smiles with myself. Content with my own company. =) Nope i am not anti-social. Just enjoying being with myself. And those times spent chatting online with this person that would make you light up and brighten when that nick appear on your online list. Easy chatting. It is easier if you are just being yourself and not distracted or tired. The best times in your life.
Can't neglect my family too. They are just such dears! My bro is always there to pre-offer his cheek and hugs my parents supporting me in my studies buying all the food for me to snack on when i'm busy studying and the chicken essence. And them not complaining when i keep going out to study though i do spend a substantial amount everytime. =)
I'm just a lucky girl.
I have you for a while more before you leave for that place.
You say you forget things easily.
Me?
and this..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqzLclWPY_w&mode=related&search=
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Does anyone share my sentiment of people doing things but they are acting?
Let me try to make it clearer.
Those times where you say look. They obliged but they just don't see.
Those times where you say hear. They do just so but not listen.
Those times where you say smell. They just sniffed.
Those times where you poured out your feelings. They just "orh" unfeelingly.
Those times where you gave. They just received unsmilingly.
Those times where you tried to cheer them up. They just stare at you as though you were crazy.
Those times where you say thank you. They just act all modest.
Those times where you reach out to them. They just give you a pat on the back consolingly.
Those times where you told them "i love you". They just disregarded it as nothing.
Those times where you showed how much you care. They just...
You get the drift.
It hurts.
Appreciation. That's the beauty of everything.
The largest contradiction would be to view life as nothing but a huge production.
Just a thought.
Just what is the point?
What's the point of thinking of you when you might, as far as I know, be oblivious to my existence?
Its a hard life.
Let me try to make it clearer.
Those times where you say look. They obliged but they just don't see.
Those times where you say hear. They do just so but not listen.
Those times where you say smell. They just sniffed.
Those times where you poured out your feelings. They just "orh" unfeelingly.
Those times where you gave. They just received unsmilingly.
Those times where you tried to cheer them up. They just stare at you as though you were crazy.
Those times where you say thank you. They just act all modest.
Those times where you reach out to them. They just give you a pat on the back consolingly.
Those times where you told them "i love you". They just disregarded it as nothing.
Those times where you showed how much you care. They just...
You get the drift.
It hurts.
Appreciation. That's the beauty of everything.
The largest contradiction would be to view life as nothing but a huge production.
Just a thought.
Just what is the point?
What's the point of thinking of you when you might, as far as I know, be oblivious to my existence?
Its a hard life.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Sometimes you really never know what you would do when faced with a certain situation till you are really caught up in it. There is no telling, no matter how many different scenarios are being pictured time and time again. You can guess but you can never correctly predict how things will turn out. Want to know my theory why? I guess that's just because you can never accurately predict another person's reaction to the situation and that plays a vital role in how the situation actually turns out.
Don't understand? Maybe it is just too obscure a rational.
The future is really uncertain. We just got to embrace changes if not we will just end up being caught in the mud time and time again. We cannot afford to do that because there are so much out there that has so much potential for us to keep discovering. Never lose your faith in anything because that may be the only thing that keeps you sane and rooted in dire times. Try though it might be hard to accept whatever cards that you are being dealt and make the best out of them.
One day a certain someone might be there right by you and the next moment he or she might be across the Pacific. Physical distance divides. As far as personal experience tells, physical distance might not be as hurting as emotional divide. How you shut one person out of your life because you just can't be bothered to take anymore nonsense or betrayal. This vast ocean that you are divided across can never be fully filled-there is not enough sand in the whole entire world to reclaim all those lost land. Once lost its hard to go back to before.
I understand this. The rift. I feel it. I hate it and yet i rejoice in it. Maybe i'm just being a coward running away but that's just one way I choose to protect myself. I retreat back into my comfort zone. The most important thing is to be able to come out again and face the rest of the world because no matter what may happen in your life, the world just keeps revolving. The cruel reality.
Just treasure moments that you have. More importantly do not stress yourself out doing things that you would rather not be involved in. Why force yourself. it would only bring about unhappiness.
"Eat, drink and be merry." Is this good advice?
Don't understand? Maybe it is just too obscure a rational.
The future is really uncertain. We just got to embrace changes if not we will just end up being caught in the mud time and time again. We cannot afford to do that because there are so much out there that has so much potential for us to keep discovering. Never lose your faith in anything because that may be the only thing that keeps you sane and rooted in dire times. Try though it might be hard to accept whatever cards that you are being dealt and make the best out of them.
One day a certain someone might be there right by you and the next moment he or she might be across the Pacific. Physical distance divides. As far as personal experience tells, physical distance might not be as hurting as emotional divide. How you shut one person out of your life because you just can't be bothered to take anymore nonsense or betrayal. This vast ocean that you are divided across can never be fully filled-there is not enough sand in the whole entire world to reclaim all those lost land. Once lost its hard to go back to before.
I understand this. The rift. I feel it. I hate it and yet i rejoice in it. Maybe i'm just being a coward running away but that's just one way I choose to protect myself. I retreat back into my comfort zone. The most important thing is to be able to come out again and face the rest of the world because no matter what may happen in your life, the world just keeps revolving. The cruel reality.
Just treasure moments that you have. More importantly do not stress yourself out doing things that you would rather not be involved in. Why force yourself. it would only bring about unhappiness.
"Eat, drink and be merry." Is this good advice?
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
URGH!!! I am quite pissed off with the cafe cause of their lousy new policy. Guess what? Any item that you buy only entitles you to a study period of 2 hours after which the cafe people will come and bug you to purchase something else. Tell me how am i going to stay financially stable under such stress on my already fast shrinking wallet?
And oh gosh. I asked and i got an answer and it is so not good. My dear friend is leaving. And he's leaving Singapore for good. I do not know why i got so emotional just now that i actually cried when he told me just how soon will he be leaving. Mr Softie!! I think i was the one who started calling him that. The fond memories. The threesome back in vj. The after school time spent together. He's like a big brother. Even in terms of age. I think he's like 3 yrs older? And he's going back. To Cambodia then maybe to an Aust university. Meaning i will not get to see him after he leaves. I'm sad. Its true. As he said. Now we are living so near(relatively) and yet we don't get to see each other often already. That so ain't my fault. I make it a point to try and contact you when i'm in the marine pararde area. Its just bad timing.
"Tian xia wu bu shan zi yan xi" Is that really true? He comforted me by saying that nothing lasts forever. Why so pessimistic? =( Then again he said we should be glad that we got to know each other.
=( I don't like saying goodbyes. I really don't.
And oh gosh. I asked and i got an answer and it is so not good. My dear friend is leaving. And he's leaving Singapore for good. I do not know why i got so emotional just now that i actually cried when he told me just how soon will he be leaving. Mr Softie!! I think i was the one who started calling him that. The fond memories. The threesome back in vj. The after school time spent together. He's like a big brother. Even in terms of age. I think he's like 3 yrs older? And he's going back. To Cambodia then maybe to an Aust university. Meaning i will not get to see him after he leaves. I'm sad. Its true. As he said. Now we are living so near(relatively) and yet we don't get to see each other often already. That so ain't my fault. I make it a point to try and contact you when i'm in the marine pararde area. Its just bad timing.
"Tian xia wu bu shan zi yan xi" Is that really true? He comforted me by saying that nothing lasts forever. Why so pessimistic? =( Then again he said we should be glad that we got to know each other.
=( I don't like saying goodbyes. I really don't.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Thoughts of the moment:
1. GP is over. Sigh of relief. Hope it was not too bad though the passage was something to be reckoned with. I almost freaked over it. Seriously had no idea why "greater" was in inverted commas for one. Compo lacked a sound conclusion and points were lacking in number. Just hope i did fine.
2. One paper down!! 4 more to go. whew.
3. I need consultations badly. Thurs is the day man. Nas and i have a date with the teachers. Lets hope they dispel all my doubts.
4. Nutcase. Yes i am one. Just hope it doesn't worsen.
5. I don't understand the obsession with (or rather against) white hair. Goodness!! I'm gonna roll my eyes.
6. I have mental block. Pls send me some brains... Express postage okie! Thanks greatly appreciated.
7. My fingers are freezing cold.
8. So much things left undone. Not only academics but that too amongst other things.
9. Proteins and amino acids. Pretty cool.
10. Leaving soon? I'll miss you.
1. GP is over. Sigh of relief. Hope it was not too bad though the passage was something to be reckoned with. I almost freaked over it. Seriously had no idea why "greater" was in inverted commas for one. Compo lacked a sound conclusion and points were lacking in number. Just hope i did fine.
2. One paper down!! 4 more to go. whew.
3. I need consultations badly. Thurs is the day man. Nas and i have a date with the teachers. Lets hope they dispel all my doubts.
4. Nutcase. Yes i am one. Just hope it doesn't worsen.
5. I don't understand the obsession with (or rather against) white hair. Goodness!! I'm gonna roll my eyes.
6. I have mental block. Pls send me some brains... Express postage okie! Thanks greatly appreciated.
7. My fingers are freezing cold.
8. So much things left undone. Not only academics but that too amongst other things.
9. Proteins and amino acids. Pretty cool.
10. Leaving soon? I'll miss you.
Sunday, September 02, 2007
M.O.T.I.V.A.T.I.O.N
That word.. Is so full of meaning.
Just got off the phone with wanying and i realised just how stressed she is.
Haiz. Stress really does not get you anywhere. I know this real well but it doesn't mean that i do not run away from situations that makes me feel super duper stressed. Yes run away is what i do. Till i feel strong enough to face it then i'll come back.
Why am i such a good motivational speaker and yet i am not able to motivate myself?
That word.. Is so full of meaning.
Just got off the phone with wanying and i realised just how stressed she is.
Haiz. Stress really does not get you anywhere. I know this real well but it doesn't mean that i do not run away from situations that makes me feel super duper stressed. Yes run away is what i do. Till i feel strong enough to face it then i'll come back.
Why am i such a good motivational speaker and yet i am not able to motivate myself?
