Friday, September 11, 2009
进退两难
I want to walk away and yet I also want to stay. I'm being torn apart from inside out.
I no longer want to feel disposable. I don't want to feel like my needs are being compromised. I wish I can refuse to be bogged by emotions and irrationality. But the truth is, I'm weak and, this time around, I won't beat myself up over my weakness. For I'm allowed to mourn and wallow in self pity and pain.
If you would stay, make your presence known. If not, give me space to breathe, don't make me catch my breath every single time you pop unannounced back into my life. I'm not an interchange, not a place to come and go as you please. For by doing that, you trample all over my life and make the world around me spin. Stop hurting me.
I have much more to lose. Because from the beginning till now, I've been the one who loved more.
I want to walk away and yet I also want to stay. I'm being torn apart from inside out.
I no longer want to feel disposable. I don't want to feel like my needs are being compromised. I wish I can refuse to be bogged by emotions and irrationality. But the truth is, I'm weak and, this time around, I won't beat myself up over my weakness. For I'm allowed to mourn and wallow in self pity and pain.
If you would stay, make your presence known. If not, give me space to breathe, don't make me catch my breath every single time you pop unannounced back into my life. I'm not an interchange, not a place to come and go as you please. For by doing that, you trample all over my life and make the world around me spin. Stop hurting me.
I have much more to lose. Because from the beginning till now, I've been the one who loved more.
