I just woke up from a terrible dream. terrible terrible. its so bad that i am still feeling the after effects. it is so damn bad i feel like just crying. all the pent up frustrations, the insecurities are getting to me now.
the dream made me feel like a fool. i know if i look at it objectively, it might never happen. but i felt such great amount of betrayal i wanted to just kill myself and disappear. something deep within me was hurt, badly, i felt torn into shreds. it didn't help that both people who appeared in my dream are people so close to me.
and i know i'm paranoid but i'm super afraid of _th feb. my horoscope doesnt seem to be favourable for that day... and i really dont want anything to happen that would jepodise the world that i have so lovingly and painstakingly built.
I'm scared. very scared. i don't think i have ever felt this way before. sometimes i can't help but wonder why do i care so much about something that is so volatile. but its just me. i invest too much of my emotions and of myself into everything, i NEED everything to succeed. i'm very selfish and self-centred in that way. and needy and insecure. what else can u come up with? is that going to be the reason of my downfall?
='(