Monday, February 23, 2009
I thought I found the key to my own happiness but it turned out to be a duplicate, a thrown-away. Another key that someone had tried using to reach their own happiness, only to find out that the key leads to a dizzying maze that ends in futility.
They say everything in life is driven by logic. Since when? Or maybe they referred to warped logic. Who's to say that its not logic when someone can stand up and defend everything by going around in circles?
The truth is, I'm upset. I am VERY upset. Its the sort of feeling that can't be adequately described in words, not because I don't possess the vocabulary but because it is something that has to be experienced personally. The only word I can come up with at this point in time would be- NUMBNESS.
When someone experience something that is extreme or beyond their threshold, they either refuse to accept it or they bury it deep within themselves. External stimuli can cause them to become either extremely happy or extremely emotional. It is a pendulum motion. But it is clearly a time bomb. I find myself having to constantly control my emotions. Everyone thinks that I'm strong because they can't see my weakness. They can't see how much effort I need to put in to make everything seem alright and acceptable to me. I've learnt to deal with everything far too efficiently- in my opinion.
In such times I can't help but be glad for all the people around me. Lets just say that i'm pleasantly surprised by a few of you who have shown me how you can go out of your way to make me feel loved. My family and friends. The support is really overwhelming. To the people who might misunderstand what happened, maybe you never truly understood me nor my feelings at this point in time. I don't blame you all and I'm equally glad for your presence. =) Its true, what they say, in times like these do you see the real angels beside you.
I have to say that I don't regret anything that I have done.
They say everything in life is driven by logic. Since when? Or maybe they referred to warped logic. Who's to say that its not logic when someone can stand up and defend everything by going around in circles?
The truth is, I'm upset. I am VERY upset. Its the sort of feeling that can't be adequately described in words, not because I don't possess the vocabulary but because it is something that has to be experienced personally. The only word I can come up with at this point in time would be- NUMBNESS.
When someone experience something that is extreme or beyond their threshold, they either refuse to accept it or they bury it deep within themselves. External stimuli can cause them to become either extremely happy or extremely emotional. It is a pendulum motion. But it is clearly a time bomb. I find myself having to constantly control my emotions. Everyone thinks that I'm strong because they can't see my weakness. They can't see how much effort I need to put in to make everything seem alright and acceptable to me. I've learnt to deal with everything far too efficiently- in my opinion.
In such times I can't help but be glad for all the people around me. Lets just say that i'm pleasantly surprised by a few of you who have shown me how you can go out of your way to make me feel loved. My family and friends. The support is really overwhelming. To the people who might misunderstand what happened, maybe you never truly understood me nor my feelings at this point in time. I don't blame you all and I'm equally glad for your presence. =) Its true, what they say, in times like these do you see the real angels beside you.
I have to say that I don't regret anything that I have done.
