Go away if u hate my emo posts. i'm not writing this to entertain u.

i just flipped through my diary... looking at all those empty entry boxes after i had nothing to anticipate. i literally gave up writing anything down in them because there's nothing worth writing anymore. it pains me to see the tracks that i have left behind. to add pain to misery, i found a letter. written by myself to no one. its all about my feelings. long before everything started crumbling around me.

I'm reading it all over again. So overwhelmed by all the emotions i put into that letter. When i wrote it, i was feeling so stressed over my studies and school and whatnots. I mentioned that its a great blessing to have you there by my side because it makes everything much easier to bear. Its true. but even then i worried and fretted that all i was doing wasn't enough nor what i was getting was enough. compromise definitely had a great presence. and at that point of time, i was happy with what i had because it was (and still is) very precious to me. When i read it all over again, i'm feeling so wistful.

There's still so much more i want to say... because of certain things i found out... but it isn't safe to say it here... i guess its back to the trusty paper and pen. only this time maybe i shouldn't leave it around, folded into the shape of a heart... its too much risk for my mental and emotional state. i sure don't want tear stains...

i've become so held back. i know. so removed and maybe even not as chatty before. i'm sorry.  ¶ 10:41 PM