JOIKE

Swedish lessons

2010-08-04T06:25:00.001+08:00

My first attempt at the new language.

"jag är utbytsstudent i Uppsala Universitet. Jag går till ett på kvart över åtta. Jag och Indra äter frukost på hotell/hem. Vi har Svenska lektion och vi slutar tolv. Jag går till bibliotek efter klass. Jag också shoppa på Svartbäcksg. Klockan åtta gå hem."

I was supposed to write about my day...

Basically translated it means:

"I am an exchange student at Uppsala University. I walk there at quarter past 8. I and Indra eat breakfast in hotel/home. We have Swedish lessons and we end lessons at 12. I walk to the library after class. I also shop on Svartbäcksg (a street). I go home at 8."

Some thoughts before I leave

2010-07-24T15:53:00.001+08:00

Packing my things into the luggage. I can't believe my flight is tomorrow!! It is so soon so soon I'm almost ready to freak out. =x Part of me is really really excited to go. Can't wait to explore Sweden and Europe! Another part of me is feeling that all of this is so surreal, almost fake, that its all a dream and I'm going to wake up any moment now. There's also this part of me that wishes I'm not leaving because of the people and things that I would be leaving behind...

Been thinking through this whole "moving" for a long time now. I'm convinced that it would be a really good experience as well as a really good opportunity for me to learn and find my own independence. There is also the need to remove myself from the familiar by getting away from Singapore to rethink so many issues. To find new directions and to affirm my feelings. Its going to be a small physical distance to travel compared to the large emotional hurdle that I am trying to cross.

I'm going to miss all of you so so much. My close friends who are my steady support system (haha now you have to really go the distance to make up for the miles between us!), and most importantly my family. (I will so miss my little brother for all his quirks). The silly boy to whom I will always be the silly girl. And my little minions - my 3 little cousins. I will miss certain people more than others that's for certain. I never thought I would EVER say this, but I might even miss mummy's cooking and nagging. hahaha.

May I have a safe and enriching trip. Yahoo!! =D

Really upsetting. Friends...

2010-07-16T10:32:00.001+08:00

What a terrible upsetting thing this whole birthday celebrations is turning out to be. People that I count on to do things that they previously promised to do have broken their promises, and my heart along with it. I don't know how else to describe my current feelings, I feel alone in this. I feel numb and very very disappointed. All of a sudden, I don't believe in promises, simply because they hurt me far too much when they are broken.

First the decor. I probably should rely more on myself and not believe it when others offer to help. Afterall, it seems like I'm the one who is going to be doing most of it, if not all of it. Right, everyone has their own schedules to follow, their own things to do but I really can't help feeling neglected. No follow ups. And I feel almost like I'm begging people to help me. It is horrible. Tomorrow is the day and decor is not even one bit done.

Broken promises... You for one, I wouldn't count on anymore. You have broken promises and this time, taking everything into account, it hurts much more.

So feel like calling this whole thing off. I'm tired. Someone please understand. =(

unexpected situations

2010-07-07T00:14:00.001+08:00

Recently I have found myself in various unexpected situations. Not altogether really bad situations, just... unexpected.

I managed to get another chance at being script supervisor for yet another production by easyproductions, recruited because of connections. Lucky me. And maybe I might get to play a role too in the advertisement that they are shooting... What a rare opportunity that was born out of luck and bad scheduling. Its all a matter of being at the right place at the right time and knowing the right people. Never expected myself to have such an opportunity at all!! We'll see how it goes. =)

Another situation that I found myself in is rather emotional... not entirely unexpected though considering how sentimental I can get sometimes. I'm leaving for Sweden soon, probably in 18 more days (seeing that the clock just struck midnight), and already I am dreading the flight, leaving Singapore, family and friends behind. I am already missing the familiarity! Between Arts Camp and meeting up with everyone else, I met everyone I would miss and I see myself leaving them behind for 6 months!! At this point of time, a shudder steals over my heart. </3 For now, no amount of cajoling helps. Not even the thought of travelling Europe could really cheer me up. I guess I'm feeling homesick even before I left home. -.-

Another thing would be LDR. I find myself doubting those thoughts that I have conceived before regarding LDR. No longer am I sure that they will not work out. Suddenly I feel that if the right person would love me, I would open myself to the possibility of maintaining a LDR. The key is "if the right person would love me". No more unrequited love for Joyce! I can't believe that I'm actually contemplating it considering how vehemently I objected to it once before... I must not be in my right mind.

Alrighty. Short update there. Will update more maybe after my bday party. =)

Post Arts Camp syndrome

2010-06-27T02:24:00.002+08:00

POST ARTS CAMP SYNDROME!!

Different experience this time as a OCom helper and not a counselor. Between the 2, I still very much prefer the latter, socializing with new people is still my forte. I probably would feel a better sense of belonging seeing as how everyone starts out not knowing much about each other. Rarr. I kind of regret...

This year, Arts Camp means a lot more to me. It could be the last one that I would be involved in. And I can't be around for Oweek, which is a continuation of the arts camp. I will lose allegiance made within this short week when I leave for Sweden. =( EMO SHIT.

How do I tell anyone of my feelings when I wouldn't be around to nurture them? =(
Especially when I'm the one jumping off the deep end.

change. to saying good byes

2010-05-02T03:07:00.003+08:00

The past few days were spent with the books and notes and readings. Oh what a terrible time. Some of my readings are affectionately named now thanks to their characteristics that I find oh so endearing. Sleepinducing, sleepprovoking, sleepdeprivingme! All of them come from the same family indeed.

Have been doing quite a bit of thinking the past few days too. I suppose that is due to all the studying. The studying causes me to have late nights which makes me depressed which makes me all emotional which in turn causes my mind to wander and get fixated on emotional problems. Oh that feeling sure sucks. Trust me, late night depressing alone really is the bummer.

Well well, I guess through all that thinking, I have made some decisions. One major one really, one that hinges on many other smaller decisions. I have managed to reason logically and rationally to myself that some people in life really don't matter all that much. And with respect to that, I should not waste time and energy and effort on keeping the company of these people. It may sound kind of sadistic and cynical to you but in the long run, maybe things might be easier on everyone if I stop obsessing about how well I am treating the people who are actively involved in my life and probably the next person that walks into my life. Things would definitely be easier, given the lesser amount of patience and love that I have to invest. With a thought for my sanity, I do have a limited amount of me that I can afford to give to others. For purely selfish reasons, I am now going to choose more personal time over wasting time on person/people who do not appreciate my presence in their lives.

It takes 2 hands to clap. I am the one that is going to refuse to hang around till the other hand decides its time to give a round of applause. I have been waiting for that phantom hand far too long. Its better this way, I need to moisturize and love that hand that has been exposed to the elements lest it falls off due to negligence and pure silliness. Adopt a new philosophy of life, maybe it will serve to sooth my battered emotions.

Change is in the books for me. I will embrace it this time around.

"without you, would life as I know it cease to exist?"
The answer is probably 'no'. I was only wishing it was a 'yes'.

Pathetic

2010-04-22T02:07:00.002+08:00

Hi I'm in a mini-crisis situation right now. I'm upset and demoralized and emotional. What a state to be in just few days shy of the final exams.

Things are not going too well. I can't say exactly what is the main factor, or maybe i'm running away from it. Assignments are still not done (though they are definitely making progress), i have not touched my books (and trust me, when I say I have not touched, I mean it.), my room isn't making me feel motivated (I just want to stone)... and of course there is that other thing that i'm stubbornly trying to ignore. (too close to heart, its painful)

I feel deserted. Please help me out of it.

2010-03-02T03:27:00.003+08:00

OMG I found my old blog.

And I'm totally embarrassed by it! The language is just retarded. EEK.

Horrors. NO ONE should find it.
=S

Edit: I wish I hadn't found it. It's THAT bad.

wind beneath my wings

2010-03-02T01:27:00.002+08:00

AMAZING SIGHT! *sigh*

2 days ago on my bus journey back, I passed by this large open field just one stop away from my place. A wonderful sight greeted me. The sky was FULL OF KITES! Children and adults alike were having fun reeling their spools of thread, coaxing the kites to a great height. It made me so happy just taking in the sight as it passes me by.

Actually it is not the first time I've seen that field populated with kite flyers...

A few months back, what used to be just a small plot of forested area was cleared and a road paved through it. I remember wondering what the point of it was because no bus serviced that area (which was a private housing estate) and it looked ridiculous. I cycled along that road before and all I could think of was the hot blazing sun- you see, when the trees were removed, they didn't plant any new ones along the road so there wasn't any shelter from the rays of mr unforgiving sun.

I thought to myself, with slight regret that the changes to the landscape might not merely be the sudden lack of trees but maybe the introduction of a new housing estate with new neighbours moving in, changing the familiar area in which I grew up in. So far, my fears have yet to be realised and something good actually became of it!

It was gradual... the news of a new kite flying location spreaded slowly. I remember those bus journeys where I would spy one lone kite or a couple dancing in the sky. Every week, they were joined by a couple more. Bicycles were the mode of transport and they were often by the roadside. As the news spread, the piece of land gained fame as the "in" kite flying destination. It progressed till cars were lining that road and the skies were literally littered with kites. Word of mouth... the best medium of information transfer!

It seemed to me that people saw the opportunity in that cleared land and used it to their advantage, turning it into a place of leisure and carefree fun. It certainly taught me how not to underestimate the actions of people. One lone voice might eventually lead to the formation of a whole choir!

Looking at the kites flying in the sky, I wish I was a part of them, feeling and being at the top of the world with only a piece of thread to remind me of the reality.

Wind beneath my wings.

ycamp, lunch, movie

2010-02-27T21:46:00.002+08:00

Today was an awesome day. =)

The whole day was spent so happily and I finally caught a movie after SO LONG.

The movie that I caught with Pampam was "Dear John", an film adaptation of the book by Nicholas Sparks. Hmm... I didn't remember reading the book when I first saw the movie but about 15 minutes into the movie, the storyline struck me as familiar. Turns out that I did read that book a couple of years back, probably during the Nicholas Sparks craze (message in a bottle, the notebook).. I thought that the movie was good. Well portrayed.

------SPOILER ALERT-----
The whole story revolved around this autistic father. Problem is, he wasn't thought to have that condition, and it wasn't explicitly stated but rather, hinted at. You'll probably need prior knowledge about the symptoms and behavior of autism to pick up on the clue that the father suffers from that condition.

Autistic people tend to require structure in their life. In fact they thrive in environments where they have absolute control in. They do repetitive things. They are also unable to express feelings or personal thoughts and opinions. Autistic people also have fear of change- new surroundings, new people. They open up when talking about things that they love but often speak of them in absolute fact devoid of emotional attachments. It is highly likely that if you are a stranger, you would be ignored by them too.

END OF SPOILER

I realise that I tend to like films that allow imagination or gives room for interpretation. For this particular film, I liked how hints were subtle thus making you think deeper to draw the correlation between scenes.

Ycamp. I'm looking forward to it. =)

(completely irrelevant: the tinge of sadness still strikes me, it seems as though I don't want to you to be mine but I need you to be around a lot. =s Do I make sense?!)

a pen and paper love affair

2010-02-18T12:34:00.005+08:00

What kind of girl am I?

After reading that title, you might think that I'll be talking about something philosophical. Maybe something along the lines of I am a girl who is not afraid of dreaming big, faces up to challenges, looks to saving the world by eradicating all terrorists and what have you. But what I want to say is just that...

I'm a pen and paper kinda girl.

In fact stationary stores enthrall me to no end. The different types of pen sorted into different cubicle holes, that whole array of colour just brings to mind countless possibilities. A ballpoint pen from Redleaf and a gel pen from Signo Uni-ball and maybe an ink pen from Pilot G-Tec.

Lets talk about each of those pens and the memory I have, associated with them.

Redleaf ballpoint pen
I have come to associate this pen and the colour RED as one entity entirely. What does it remind you of?

Have I managed to remind you of your primary school teacher perhaps? Maybe the image of your jotter book comes into mind, homework handed in and marked, red ticks and crosses marking the pages. That's my memory.

The red coloured Redleaf ballpoint pen has become a symbol of authority. The path that it makes across my homework determines how well I have understood my lessons. Ticks serve to reassure me while crosses causes minor palpitations. =s

Signo Uni-ball gel pen
This is a whole different memory altogether. I don't think of any particular colour that I would associate with these pens. In fact, manufacturing them in a huge spectrum of colour contributed to the formation of this memory association!

Think, autograph books. Primarily autograph books. Of course it extends to other types of genre as well, like birthday cards. I remember how I used to envy those who had perfect full collections of these coloured pens because they had colour at their disposal when beautifying their autograph book entries.

These pens fascinated me a great deal. First you had them in solid colours. Then you had them in marbled colour (this made me buy the whole set. $9 was a fortune back in primary school!!), then in glitter and pastels then glow-in-the-dark. Gosh the variety is just mind-blowing! I have to say that I have acquired, over the years, gel pens in all their various variations. The things you can do with them are astounding! Coupled with all those lovey dovey friendship lines that were used to script, I'd say,
"Roses are red, Violets are blue, gel pens you are, a dream come true!" =)

Pilot G-Tec ink pens
My FAVOURITE pen of the pack! I love them, only when their nib is 0.4mm and BLACK though. =s I'm particular about my pens and this is the one I have been using since secondary school! Although it costs a bomb, the experience that I get from using this pen is definitely worth it! I have probably been using it from when it costs $2.60 till the $3 it cost per pen now. As I have said, its expensive. =(

I use it for all my homework and assignments through at least 2 levels of education already and I have no doubt that I would be using it in the future as well. =) A good pen goes a long way...

After all that talk about PENS, I haven't forgotten about my PAPER!

I'm particular about paper too. I absolutely abhor writing on cheap, low quality paper! They spoil my pens!! I remember how in secondary school and JC, we had to use foolscap paper all the time. $1 per book foolscap paper hit the market and with attractive cartoons adorning the covers, was a hit among my friends. Gosh all that marketing gimmicky stuff! The paper quality was so bad, the paper so grainy, no matter what sort of pen I used, I could feel it scratching the page as I write. Major irritation! I opted to use Double A foolscap paper instead. Give me plain covers and good quality paper any day! =)

Nowadays there seemed to be a scrap booking craze, stores selling scrap booking materials are mushrooming all over the city. Guess who's a very happy girl? =D Love all those stuff.

A handwritten note beats anything electronic, any day! All in favor of this say "AYE!"

P.S. I was blog hopping and came across this woman who has something to say about being a pen and paper sort of girl. Do check HER out!

rant

2010-02-08T02:30:00.001+08:00

POP-UPS
POP-UNDERS
ROLL-OVERS
they all irritate the hell out of me.
just let me surf the net in peace already all you money-minded people.

happy new year

2010-02-08T00:27:00.005+08:00

I just did my spring cleaning today. (much more i'd like to do but that's for another day... haha) Yet, finally I got my lazy ass down to doing it.

As usual, I dug up some memories. All the hong kong memories, the orientation mementos, strawberry earrings, and mjc econs "workbook". Made me think. See, life is not all about being in the present. The past makes up so much of the present, there is no way of pointing out where the past stopped and where the present began, much less where the future might be.

You know, I can't begin to imagine what is it like to lose my memory or have a memory so short it is only a fraction of a minute. I also can't imagine what kind of pain one might have to suffer to leave behind everything and attempt to move on, living the life of another person altogether. Along the same lines, I see Alzheimer's disease as horrible and equivalent to that of a terminal disease.

The new year might be coming, it might be a whole new year for us chinese, but lets not rush headfirst into embracing the new beginning without a silent backward look at our past. Feel that regret for all the things that you could have made right, feel the sorrow at all the loss... Only then could we look forward to the promise of the future, with wide open wise(r) eyes.

Happy Lunar New Year!

Ann Siang Road

2010-01-25T19:13:00.004+08:00

Next time we go out, lets go to Ann Siang Road.

Went there today to do some shopping and found some really quaint and interesting shops. Essentially book shops really because of the unique collections they had. BooksActually and Woodsinthebooks. So many old school knick-knacks too!! =)

Explore!

view towards relationships

2010-01-25T01:55:00.002+08:00

When I fall in love, I fall deep and I'm in it for the long run. I have no respect for those who fall in and out of love, stringing along ex-es. I can't understand how anyone can move on so easily or how anyone can want to move on so fast after a breakup. There's a lot of things I don't understand, but this I'm sure I don't ever want to understand first-hand.

If it sounds like any of you reading this, I question your view towards relationships: your devotion and your intentions. And if you think you can explain it to me, try. For till then, it's only going to be a mystery to me.

Yes I still believe in love. =)

first week of school

2010-01-18T02:47:00.003+08:00

An emotional first week of school.

My plan of doing volunteer work seems to have caused me much emotional distress. No one can really help me with it. I just have to cope. I know of one person who could... sadly he's no longer a pillar I can lean on as and when I want to. Best Buddies, I am going to give it a go. All my emotional insecurities shall be banished (somehow) and I will believe in myself. I have to because in this, I probably am alone.

Intellectually disabled kids. They need more love and attention than normal kids. I hope I can pull through this and become emotionally stronger. Will you stand by me with encouragement and strength?

bukittimahsouthernridges

2010-01-13T21:51:00.002+08:00

8th Jan 2010.

The resolution to live healthily resulted in me climbing bukit timah and walking the length of the southern ridges in half a day.

I had a lot of fun. =)
Great company.

My leg muscles were sore after this but I felt so good after the workout. It also made me determined to go back to the southern ridges again someday in the evening to enjoy the peace and quiet there...

How's the collage? I downloaded some application off the internet and it generated that for me. Simplified the whole process of uploading photos for me. I like!

a mystery.

2010-01-13T01:08:00.002+08:00

I think I've really done what I said I would do so many months before. I finally succeeded. I know because I'm living my own life and no longer living in denial and living a lie. Cheers to happy days. =)

I don't know if its appropriate but I think I need to suppress any feelings I have for anyone. I badly want something. And yet I know in this current situation its just not possible. I realised that in just one day, half a day actually, but for now, that's how its going to stay. Maybe, just maybe, it was an emotion that lasts an instant.

And because of my inability to keep those feelings in check. I will engage in more volunteer work this sem. To keep my mind off things and also to fulfill that promise I made to myself, to help others in need.

Don't try guessing what's on my mind. Even I myself have no idea.

Maybe all I want is just for you to love me. And the you, might not be the same you as before.

Okie. Really just stop guessing.

WILSON LIM

2009-12-31T18:28:00.002+08:00

My favourite photo of the year:

Took this on my family trip in Bangkok. <3

My little joy. The one who loves me unconditionally. The one who gives me hugs whenever I ask for them. My little brother, who really isn't all that little.

Muse

2009-12-28T01:11:00.000+08:00

Did you get me anything from Japan?

Books

2009-12-25T17:08:00.002+08:00

The mom simply doesn't understand what books mean to me.

She keeps wanting to throw them away, to give them away.

I really hate it.

Those books were with me through so many years, occupied so much of my free time and made me so happy. In a huge way, they made me who I am today.

How does giving all of that away take away the clutter? Its just basically removing part of what I'm made of and giving it away. If they were given to some deserving soul, I wouldn't be upset but it hurts me physically and emotionally when I see my books graffiti-ed over just because some kid had a whim to make the book more colourful.

Its like taking away the prized possession of a child.

I feel violated.
This is so upsetting.

there are westerners and then there are indians.

2009-12-24T19:17:00.003+08:00

I'm currently reading "The Tipping Point- how little things can make a big difference" by Malcolm Gladwell.

It is a pretty interesting read because it seems to examine the intricacies that causes the success of a product/idea/innovation.

I came across this research idea in the book. It was an experiment where 3 group of students were gathered. One group had to keep nodding their heads while listening to an audio. Another had to keep shaking their heads. The control group, had to keep their head still.

The results of the experiment then showed that each group was subconsciously being sold an idea while adopting the particular head motion. Those who nod their heads were more willing to accept an idea, those who shook their heads were against the idea and those who did nothing were impartial to it.

I find it amusing and of course amazing. Doing something like nodding or shaking your head while the other party is making his pitch can affect your eventual thinking. It just goes to show how powerful our subconscious actions (or in this case, "forced" actions) are!

I was thinking about this while lying on the bed just now and suddenly something came to me. What if... the group of students that were recruited were not westerners but instead, were indians? Haha I know I'm cheeky but it certainly would cause the western researcher much headache when the experiment results came out. xp

For those of you who read the last part with a question mark over your head, here's why: Indians shake their heads when they agree and nod their heads when they disagree! Therefore the experiment results would directly contradict each other... haahahaha.

=D little nugget of information.

2009-12-23T03:18:00.000+08:00

I WILL BLOG SOON. =)

you know what my heart yearns for? oh no you don't.
hee hee.

PEEVES

2009-11-29T21:09:00.002+08:00

Peeve #1: Don't attempt to call me by my chinese name if you do not know me well enough. Its reserved for those whom I love and who loves me.

Peeve #2: Lazy people who can't be bothered to type out phrases. I'm okie with shortform of words because a few letters difference still allows me to decipher the word but phrases... Its freaking irritating. Does it take so much to type it all out? With the time saved, can you do something really outstanding?

Peeve #3: Msn. If you want to talk to me, please be present. I hate it when there are multiple typos and when I carry out the whole conversation. Please it is called a conversation and not a Q&A session for a reason. Its particularly irritating when the typos do not make sense at all.

Peeve #4: "Chill" and "relax" used by GUYS to dismiss any ill feelings directed at them from GIRLS. Can't you understand that we are worked up, and if we have a reason to be worked up, stop adding fuel to the fire and dismiss what we have to say. Its plain RUDE.

No way is this the end of my pet peeves. Just those on the top of my head right now.
Urgh. Someone started me off on this.
I'm really in a lousy mood today.

dreams

2009-11-27T03:54:00.002+08:00

I don't know why my blog entries always end up so long. =S

Will you unmask yourself and show me that lovely smile I'm sure you have on underneath that faceless facade? Even my dreams are playing with me.

injections and jabs

2009-11-27T03:15:00.003+08:00

I've decided to blog a little before i head off to dreamland.

A while ago, I just went for a flu jab. I've been constantly having them for quite a few years now. I think probably for 5-6 years. The first time I went for one, I remember being apprehensive about the effects and possible benefits I would get but I have to say, I never did once regret these jabs. It would be too much of a stretch to say that the flu jabs prevented me from ever falling ill. Yet I think it is within reason to say that they have kept me flu-free most of the time. Nowadays I get bitten by the flu bug maybe twice a year. Pretty impressive considering I used to fall sick every other month. For $30 I think it is really worth it. I HATE having flu, especially runny rose. Urgh. Huge pain to have to keep stopping the flow or to keep looking out for dustbins to get rid of all the disgusting mucus-full tissue papers. =S

Hmm talking about JABS. I had a couple of jabs for an entirely different reason a couple of months ago. Cervarix, it is called. I took them because dad said that they would help prevent cervical cancer. Incidentally, I had picked up a brochure from school which was about cervical cancer. I learnt then that it is one of the BIG KILLERS. 5th most common cancer in Singapore (HPB), with the Chinese having the highest incidence rate. I've always feared contracting cancer and the likes of terminal diseases so I thought, "Why not?", prevention is better than cure.

Cerarix is best administered when you are 16 and above, and sexually naive. (I'm sure you know what that means...). It is given in 3 separate dosages. The second one is one month after the first jab while the third follows 6 months after the 2nd. After these 3 dosages, the effects are said to last for life.

I've had 2 jabs since. I can't say that I'm looking forward to the last one. The jabs, I won't lie, are the worst I've ever had. Taking into account the fact that I have had a fair amount of needles poked into me through the years, including and not restricting to the flu jabs, Hep B jabs and even an IV drip, you can imagine my pain. I could be an isolated case though. I asked my doctor about the pain and numbness. She said that individuals react differently to the drug. I'm one of those who feel soreness and numbness and even pain. She told me however that BCG is still the worst (I've never had it so I can't tell you), followed by Hep B(which wasn't bad for me. weird) then probably Cerarix.

Well, the first time I had Cerarix, I took it on my left forearm. The needle went in fine. When the doctor started applying pressure to the syringe to inject the solution into my muscle, ah that's when the soreness starts. I thought nothing of it, attributing it to the fact that my muscles are not used to the drug. I waved off doctor's concerned suggestions of a cream to relief the soreness and went home. Oh, that night was horrible. It wasn't so much painful as it was a hindrance to my sleep. I could hardly lie on my arm and I was forced to sleep on my back, wincing each time I forgot about my tender arm and placed my body weight on it. Terrible. It lasted for 2 days, easing off only on the 3rd day. Awful.

One month later, I was once again sitting in my doctor's waiting room, awaiting my 2nd dosage. This time I was a little smarter. I requested for the injection to be administered to my butt region. Because there is more flesh there, it usually hurts much less. After ensuring that I was in a comfortable position, doctor asked me to relax and, there goes my 2nd dosage. Urgh. I still don't like it all that much. This time around, I could still feel the soreness but at least it wasn't as pronounced as the last time. I had problems sitting properly for a while though, being unable to apply my whole body weight to the injection spot. I basically sat on one butt cheek. My back hurts from that position. Compared to the previous time, it was a little less discomfort but still quite uncomfortable.

Its worth it though. Its pricey treatment, $140 a jab but, at least I would be insured against cervical cancer (for the most part). My last jab... is in 5 months time. I opt for the butt again. Poor butt, I'm sorry you have to suffer, but I'd rather you than left forearm. =x

Consider those 2 jabs (if you are a female of course!) and the flu one (if you are a guy). I strongly recommend!! =)

No I'm not a sadist, I do not have a morbid liking of needles.

books books books

2009-11-21T00:30:00.002+08:00

I will do this again after tml's exams.

Instructions:
- Look at the list and bold those you have read
- Italicise the ones you want to read
- Underline the books you really loved and ~~strikethrough~~ the ones really didn't enjoy
- Reprint this list in your own journal if you want to... you know you want to.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (how about incomplete?)
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis - isn't this the same as Chronicles?
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In A Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
~~91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad~~
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

2208

2009-11-15T02:06:00.003+08:00

My 2208 design module is DONE and OVER and OUT OF MY LIFE.

The fruits of my labour is up on THIS website.

Take a look if you are interested. I can't say that i'm a professional designer but I have to say that for the amount of work that I have put in, I stand by every single piece of work that I have done.

jojo's bday.

2009-11-15T01:45:00.004+08:00

I absolutely love days out with my lovelies. =)

Estella joined us today and it was great seeing her again. Took the above neoprints and pictures much to Jiesheng's distress. HAHA. poor thing has to endure our girly-ness every single time. I secretly think that it is great training for him... in the future. He better thank us. hahahaha.

Anyway, Happy Birthday JOJO. Hope that you've enjoyed urself a whole lot today. The japanese food and the after dinner coffee and the chat. =)I know you read this.

skype

2009-11-07T03:02:00.000+08:00

<3 time spent with you, late in the nights.

no more P-PLATE for this lady

2009-11-05T03:13:00.004+08:00

OH and before I clean forget,

I NO LONGER HAVE TO PUT UP A P-PLATE WHEN I DRIVE. =)

Yes. Its been a year (and 2 days). =))

GOOD RIDDANCE!
*With a heave and ho and a mighty shove, throw it out of the window*

Interesting fact: It might be incredulous to note that I never did own one of those.

2208, storybook!

2009-11-05T03:00:00.003+08:00

WONDERFUL NEWS!

MY STORYBOOK IS DONE AND PRINTED TODAY.

No more late nights over it anymore!!!

Now i can concentrate on the rest of my mods. I badly need to study. Speaking of which, I have an english test tomorrow. Haiz... Who ever knew that english came with PHILOSOPHY mixed in it. But its pretty cool all the same. Hands up for those who also believe that we are born with the innate endowment of language. Awesome, you can join Socrates in his Plato world and be part of his problem. (Plato Problem- "poverty of stimulus") Interested much?

On a very random note, I realise I like writing on blank paper more than lined paper. I like the freedom of doodling anywhere I like without being regulated by lines. Is this some personality test? If so, I wonder what it reflects about me.

Just a thought that I wanted to jot down.
In this climate of stress, much unhappiness and nastiness has been breeding. Group projects are great breeding ground and group discussions are when it becomes a full blown epidemic. Lets just say that I am not happy with the way certain people are handling group discussions. They are called discussions for a reason. Ideas have to be thrown around and evaluated.
I do not take kindly to the manner in which you put forth your argument. Should you think that you are the only one who is right, please stand up and say so. I'm sick of looking at that face and pretending to be pleasant when all I want to do is stand up and leave so that I will be spared your shit. In any case, you should stop being so defensive and aggressive. I'm starting to think that you are just downright rude.

I would be so glad when this sem is over. I want to do well so badly. I want my CAP. And I'm reaching out for it with outstretched arms. After that I just want to go on a retreat and start anew when I return. Here's to 3rd Dec, the last day of exams.

xmas at starbucks

2009-11-03T02:01:00.002+08:00

Coughcoughcough. I hate coughing fits. =( I really hope i dont get bronchitis again. I was so paranoid I went straight to the doctor when I came home today. Inflammation again! I swear I'm allergic to Ramly burger and anything resembling it. Supper gone wrong. =(

Anyway, that's not the main point! I'm here to announce the wonderful news that Starbucks is <3, their toffee nut latte is the BEST. Or Boomz! (include hand action!) if you like. Its the nicest coffee I've had. I don't know how I survive on Java Chips when such awesome drink exists. Too bad it is only offered during christmas if not that would be my standard order. I love it hot. Unusual choice for me, the frap person. =) I'm so going to have it as much as I can. UNHEALTHY. hahahaha. I was just sitting on the train today planning my route to school in order to get my cuppa love but I realise its practically impossible. Seems like there is no way I can grab a cup, savour it sip by sip then get to school. Not when I need more sleep than I need any breverage to keep me awake. =X Irony indeed. Looks like I've got to get it after school! Starbucks, you'll see more of me! I hope they will open a new branch in Pasir Ris soon. *cross fingers*

Update about school...
Its almost the end of the semester already and yet I'm still neck deep in assignments and projects and DEADlines. I've got 7 more submissions+projects deadline to meet. Hurray. And there is only 2 more weeks of school. Can you believe that I've got an assignment paper due on the very last day of my exams? Unfathomed nightmare. =( This sem has been a super P.I.T.A (pain in the ass).

If I can survive through this sem, I think I can take on the rest of the sems. Though sometimes, everything just gets so overwhelming that I can't help but wish that there was a steady shoulder for me to lean on. For now, the wall is a substitute, a poor one though. Talking about that, I practically have no social life. My phone is dead, it only rings/vibrates when either of my parents are looking for me, if not, PROJECTS and WORK being handed to me. Pathetic. On msn, I am usually busy or away, having too much on hand to be a conversationalist of any sort. I just have no mood. I just can't wait for 13thNov to come and go, by then, I would be 3/4 done with my assignments.

100% CA mod is a killer. I can't believe that I broke down and opened the flood gates that night. Thanks to you for listening to me blabber nonsense on the phone, hearing me cry, saying those encouraging words, comforting me and helping me find solutions to the whole myraid of problems that I was facing. I need more people like you in my life. Thanks so much, you know who you are, standing by me. You listened to me for an hr. Half the time crying. Sniff. Grateful. (I dont think you'll ever read this though, but I know you know my sentiments. I've always made them clear. =D)

That's all. Time for beauty sleep and recovery time. I'm so glad none of my presentations fall on this week, with my bad throat and red eyes from lack of sleep.

Tata.

yr2sem1

2009-10-29T03:25:00.002+08:00

Praying and hoping that it would pass soon.

All the bad memories would be replaced by pleasantness and good moments.

I want to only remember the good things.....

i just wanna let go

2009-10-26T00:18:00.002+08:00

I just have to get this off my chest. I am just going to pour everything out so please if you came here with the intention of judging me, please get out- its easy just click that red x at the right corner of this screen.

I've been under much stress lately. So many demanding projects, so many other things to settle (SEP and overseas and internship), its as though my life is practically happening right in front of the computer. I knew that I had taken on a heavy workload this semester with that 100% nm2208 module but I didn't plan on working with this bunch of people nor the other projects and work that came with the other modules. I am really trying very hard to keep it all together but it seems as though the harder I'm being pushed, the harder I'm pushing back and it often ends up with me being not productive and all self-pitying. I know, its pathetic.

Last time I used to have someone to depend on all the time. Just a little message or a quick phonecall (rare treat) and I would be on my feet again. It really takes very little to keep me happy that way, but losing that little bit is causing so much havoc to be happening in my life. I shut you out, just simply because I needed to be by myself to heal and get back on my feet. But its not as simple as that. I really want to be able to say that its easy but I find myself missing all the little things now. It isn't that I didn't treasure them before and that's why i'm berating myself now. Its just that I really hold them so close that now without them, I feel empty and lost.

Everyone tells me that its for the better. I know too that it should be, no objections about that- I was hurting myself far too much. I can't think of you because I'm not strong enough to think and not get affected but at the same time, I can't make myself not think because that's basically reminding myself that I shouldn't be thinking. Its warped. I swear.

Everytime I feel ready to open up, all it takes for that readiness to fade is the thought of those words. I don't want to ever feel not treasured again. I'm not just that "nice girl" that is so easy to take advantage of.

You asked me when we can be friends again. I told you "I don't know" and that's the truth from the bottom of my heart. We may be strangers from now on and its so unfair. I don't want it to be this way but I guess in a way, you were the one who pushed me to the edge of this cliff. I'm still falling, falling... so deep that its all dark around me.

I had my fingers hovering across my phone keypad just now, wishing that I had the strength to make that one phonecall. The one phonecall that might make me feel happier, but weighed against everything else, I flattered and the moment was lost. I felt so awful I came here to vent it out.

I never did make the mistake of falling in love with love. Yet, that only brought me to the scarier version of it, actually falling in love with you.

To my girls who are reading this, I'm sorry. I will be fine again. Don't worry about me. Just tonight I wanna let go.

Fuzzle out

2009-10-19T14:10:00.002+08:00

I have no motivation to study or do my lousy projects. Its all so overwhelming. Rarr.

This sem seems to be rather bad! I just realised that I have forgotten all about my SEP application. I'm SO DEAD. Still have many many things to do! =(

Depression.

The only thing that is keeping me going is the holidays. Bangkok trip and HK trip. My reward after this sem's hardwork. I really need to buck up loads. This time I will mug! I will!

Lets all jiayou together!

NIGHT CYCLING

2009-10-18T00:57:00.004+08:00

I have something to add to my list of personal accomplishments!!

I NIGHT-CYCLED 50KM!

Awesome! =)

Thanks belle for inviting me. I loved the experience. For novice cyclists like me, its really a feat to be able to complete the whole course and survive. The upslopes kill but the downslopes were the best. I can safely say that I'm a better cyclist now! (at least I can cycle in a straight line and I am not so wary of downslopes plus the bicycle accelerating really quickly! I also overcame the fear of cycling alongside fast-moving cars! NERVE-WRECKING I swear.)

NUS-Adams road-Chompchomp-Geylang-Joo Chiat-ECP

All the stop points had great food. I absolutely love CHOMPCHOMP'S seafood. I want to go back there again someday!! Now all I need to do is hijack a car and off I go on a food tour. Heehee.

My butt muscles need some love now. hurts.

Reflections:
1. When I put my mind down to it, despite protests internally or externally, I CAN DO IT!!
2. Sometimes, I just can't forgive and forget.

school thoughts

2009-10-10T23:45:00.003+08:00

Life's been... good. Uni life's been... crazy.

I love drawing and coming up with ideas. Its stressful and challenging but its also tons of fun. Do you think I fit the description of creative director? The one who is always labeled random and eccentric? I could get used to barking out commands! hmm.

Anyway I have things to look forward to when this semester ends. Fly fly fly overseas. =) Awesome. I think this year-end I will spend more than a week overseas. YAY. And finally go to hongkong with my girls and guy. Can't wait at all.
Pls belle, pls let your parents say yes too....

I rmb planning something like this before last yr. We even thought about bringing our other half along. Wistful smile thinking back. All that floating and freezing we did in the pool that time discussing about this. Hahaha. So long ago and yet I rmb our dreams so clearly, as though they were outlined just yesterday. Beautiful dreams for another time. =)

2009-10-04T00:17:00.001+08:00

We all have our moment of weaknesses. I'm experiencing one right now.

I miss.

and so i'm gonna go to bed real soon.
HMPH.

WHINE.

2009-09-28T16:01:00.002+08:00

Joyce has problems sleeping.

Joyce's finger still hurts.

Joyce is so bored and lonely.

Joyce is feeling sorry for herself right now.

Oh craps. Back to the books.

CUT HAIR

2009-09-28T02:55:00.003+08:00

... i cut my hair. again. so soon. very short now.

i cut my hair when i am bothered with too many things...

and yes i know i look ridiculous. hahahaha. but thats the fun of it. =)

week reflections

2009-09-28T01:37:00.002+08:00

It was a awesome week. Recess week. No lectures no tutorials no need to travel to the other side of nowhere!

Celebrated joanna's and ritz' birthdays last weekend. Both of them officially turned 21. LEGAL already. Hmm to think next year would be my turn. I'm still wondering how my guest list would be like.. and how it is going to be. Then my friends rein me in and go "Don't worry too much! Its still one year away!" (even the best laid plans go astray.) But I will still think about it, when my thoughts wander. =)

The whole entire week was spent resting and of course working on my assignments. Redo-ing them, working on my module blog, learning photoshop... Gosh it really is a HEAVY module that nm2208. But i have to agree with John. At the end of this mod, i'm sure i would be VERY proud of my portfolio and what i would have achieved. I look forward to it! I never knew i could do so much creative work on the computer. That sense of achievement is just awesome. =D Its a love-hate relationship here. hahahaha.

Went to KUISHINBO once again. With belle and craig. I can't wait to visit a sushi place again. SERIOUSLY i love salmon sashimi. I have craving for it so very often. eeks.

If anyone is interested in my nm blog... HERE it is.

I can't believe recess week is over. I want this sort of uni life. too bad its non-existent.

the end.

2009-09-24T03:12:00.002+08:00

The story of you and me has come to an end.

Much as I don't wish it to happen, I can't stop it now that its come to this.

You are and always will be my ex. But from today onwards, you shall cease to be of anything more to me than a name. I'm afraid that our friendship/relationship has ran its course.

进退两难

2009-09-11T23:34:00.003+08:00

进退两难

I want to walk away and yet I also want to stay. I'm being torn apart from inside out.

I no longer want to feel disposable. I don't want to feel like my needs are being compromised. I wish I can refuse to be bogged by emotions and irrationality. But the truth is, I'm weak and, this time around, I won't beat myself up over my weakness. For I'm allowed to mourn and wallow in self pity and pain.

If you would stay, make your presence known. If not, give me space to breathe, don't make me catch my breath every single time you pop unannounced back into my life. I'm not an interchange, not a place to come and go as you please. For by doing that, you trample all over my life and make the world around me spin. Stop hurting me.

I have much more to lose. Because from the beginning till now, I've been the one who loved more.

UP!!

2009-09-09T01:03:00.002+08:00

A quick short one, because I want to document this before I forget.

The movie "UP!" was special and wonderful. Almost my favourite movie yet. So reminded of "Howl's Moving Castle".

A fantastic movie that made me feel so happy the whole night. So touching I wanted to burst into tears but instead I was filled with joy.

It makes me all the more certain that I want to find that someone, perfect for me, to venture into the unknown and chart our adventures. =)

To love.
Cheers.

interesting experiences.

2009-09-06T22:29:00.001+08:00

I saw something interesting today!

I was on a shuttle bus today when i witness this happening.
Involved were 3 kids... and their parents' handphones.

Kid 1&2 are siblings. Kid 3 is a kid who didn't managed to get a seat on the crowded shuttle bus. All 3 were sharing 2 seats on the bus because the kind parent of Kids 1&2 asked if Kid 3 would like to squeeze and have a seat with her children (so nice of her!).

Starting out, Kids 1&2 were keeping to themselves while Kid 3 was sitting awkwardly to the side. After awhile, Kid 3's mom passed her a handphone in an attempt to provide some sort of entertainment for her. Kid 3 sat and started fiddling with the phone, playing some weird game that I've never seen before... Before long, you can see Kids 1&2 itching in their seats, trying to get a view of Kid 3's phone screen. Before you can say "voila!", Kid 1 (older) asked: "What game are you playing?" Borrowing his sibling's courage, Kid 2 soon joined in with a comment of his own: "Can we see what you are playing?". With a meek "YES" uttered by Kid 3, they all started talking.

Not to be outdone by Kid 3, Kids 1&2's mom handed over her phone to Kid 1. Now you see a power shift. Kid 1 now has everybody's attention, and is milking it. Kid 2 now feels inadequate so he started yelling for his dad's handphone. Its ridiculously funny seeing how all of them ended up playing with handphone games and in the process, start up introductions.

PERFECT example of how new media contributes to increase in social interactions!
(then again, me with a "new media research" book and a weird indian national can also lead to conversations on the mrt. WEIRD la. DON'T LAUGH at me!=x)

I also noticed power shift and dominance in a group setting. Its pretty amazing. Maybe I should go out and do field research on this and use it as possible thesis in the future. o.O

--------------

On Wed, I met up with the normal gang.
We went to Cafeteria ilLido located at Suntec.
Its a newly opened restaurant located right beside crystal jade, around the fountain at Basement 1. We went there because I read 8days and they recommended that place in the food review section. I have to say that i'm disappointed. Let me explain myself...

I feel that going to a restaurant for dining, no matter how "budget" it might be, I place much emphasis on the service of the staff there. After all, we pay 7% more for SERVICE CHARGE plus goods and SERVICE tax(GST)! So by right, we are entitled to expect at least a basic standard of service.

I shall dis the restaurant first before talking about its redeeming qualities..

Firstly, when we reached there, we told the waiter that we wanted a table for 4. Upon being shown to our table (albeit SLOWLY considering the place was 3/4 empty), he attempted to remove the "extra" set of cutlery from the table (there were 3 of us present, waiting for the 4th to show up from dance lessons. hahaha). That totally showed that he wasn't paying attention!! We said table for 4. I held up 4 fingers. I doubt he did that because he misheard or misunderstood me.

Secondly, the length of time they need to bring over requested items is SO long you can't help but wonder if they were just distilling the water (for iced water) or waiting for the farmer to grow wheat for flour (for pizza). I am not making this sound ridiculous. It IS ridiculous.

Thirdly, it doesn't help that the waiters and waitresses were very slow to respond, it was made worse by the weirdness of them. Their expressions made me wonder if they were from outer space or if that was the first time they were encountering other humans. When they took orders, (one waiter particularly), liked to give funny faces like grimaces or some expression that involves contortion of the facial muscles. I find it disturbing. Its just not normal... eeks.

Another thing that bugged me while I was there, besides the service, was the decor of the entire place. Granted that it was named CAFETERIA, a more run down look may pass. BUT the whole place was so dull, gloomy, boring that it took the life out of me.

Dining should be an EXPERIENCE. While this place didn't leave me with a great one, you bet it gave me an EXPERIENCE I won't rush into voluntarily the next time.

Now on to the better points of the restaurant.

The food wasn't all that bad. In fact the taste was full-bodied and acceptable. The orange fried chicken was rather good. The price that we were paying for it justified the food standard at least. But considering that the chef is a renown pastry chef, the thin crust pizza just didn't quite make it. Timbre's pizza wins hands down. No doubts about it.

You can guess that the food wasn't too expensive. We had a total of 6 dishes and paid about $52 dollars. That was a meal for 4 persons...

So if you are looking for a place to try, I wouldn't recommend it unless all other places are filled to the brim. Astons is loads better. Seriously.

----------------

One last thing before I end this post.

On our way home, all 4 of us bumped into a group of 3 girls that happened to be people that we know. Would you believe it that the breakdown of both groups became 2(us)1(them), 1(us)1(them), 1(us)1(them)?? Basically, everyone in our group knew someone in the other group and it was a "know ONE and ONLY ONE person from the other group thing". Really goes to show how crazily interconnected our social circles are. Our primary school friends might end up as best friends of our uni coursemate, your friend's other half might be your good friend's ex-classmate... its crazy!!

I shall point all responsibilities of the creation of such craziness to EDUCATION!

Be careful what you say, and to whom. You never know... your bitchiness might get you in HUGE trouble.

------

Yes i'm FINALLY done. =)
up next, more restaurant reviews... I've been devouring loads of good food lately. Its no wonder i'm getting rounder. =x
CHEERS~

i'm back on blogosphere!

2009-09-04T02:22:00.005+08:00

HELLO i'm back again. I know it has been a long time since i last blogged but i guess the brain needed the brain juice for other "more important" things. In any case, i'm BACK! Ain't the world such a wonderful place?

Something prompted me to blog. Many things have been happening in my life that i haven't been religiously cataloging
-summer holidays came and left in the matter of 4 months, during which i worked part time and managed to squeeze in a short trip to msia with tabitha and her HI friend. Quite an adventure i should say... i only have one grievance about the length of the trip- i wished it was longer so i could catch my breath. Holidays was quite packed. I held 2 jobs plus taking up tuition (i know i sound like some super inhumane person but seriously its not as bad as it sounds). But because of the fact that it was so packed, i didn't have time to rest well. My only regret.
-ORIENTATION and all those crazy camps. 3 camps these hols for me.
-picnic by the park at fort canning. =)
-loads of outings with my girls.
-my birthday celebrations. OMG I'M 20!
-SCHOOL starting year 2 sem 1. I can't believe it. School is here to ruin my life again. =(

Loads of things have been happening actually but I haven't been blogging about them. BUT i've been active on facebook! Photos are up there. =) Now i've more than a thousand photos on facebook. eeks. =x

For all those who miss me blogging, I will try to keep up this habit. Watch this space okie because i will be back and this time around, I will make an effort. (or die trying) haha.

BECAUSE I'M WORTH IT. (and you aren't. hahahaha...)

T-house chalet.

2009-07-17T17:25:00.003+08:00

"Do you know why I give you my number? So you can inform me when you are home since I'm unable to send you personally, this shall give me a peace of mind."

Sweet isn't it? =D

T-house chalet yesterday was crazy. Amazingly crazy. 2 stolen sips of (not ice cold) beer's nothing compared to a bottle of absolute vodka. We had raging drunks, intoxicated people laughing and behaving intimately with each other. The chalet was almost a crack house, save for the sane people which includes me. Stayed away from the alcohol (besides those 2 sips of beer-me) and had HTHT session in the room upstairs. CS was the "SDU coordinator" asking thought-provoking questions about relationships and our personal views towards related issues. Ended up thinking deeply. Most of my opinions were not being expressed but kept within myself, going with vague answers mostly. I was glad for that session of sharing because it made me gain an insight into what may be considered the "norm" as well as those little nuggets of information (hidden clauses, little details, any changes that might then influence the final decision.) Its not easy to write about this generally. We need an example!

QNS1: What do you feel about pre-marital sex? Would you engage in such an act?
QNS2: Would you accept it if your other half (dating) tells you that he/she is not a virgin?

Talk about double standards... Imagine if you answer "yes" to the second part of the first question and then go on to say that you would not be able to accept it if your partner has had sex before? What does that make you then?
Then there is the other considerations.... maybe "if he respects you", "he's not looking for sex when dating you"..... maybe the answer to question2 might change from a strict "NO" to a "maybe, depending on the circumstances".

One very interesting question that came up was "what would you do if your partner and your parents do not see eye to eye, engaging in conflict every single time and there is just no way of placating them anymore?" The answer given was a straight forward "breakup."
Seems like we are all still very traditional Chinese at heart after all. A harmonious family is still the most important. =)

Many other questions were asked and answered. Some hawed and hemmed, some gave answers indicating that they have once pondered over those questions before. All in all, it was a session that revealed much of everyone to everyone else. Based on that alone, HTHT was a success!

All those who played games with me yesterday would know just how sucky my luck has been!! Serious case yesterday. OMG the licking game. It had me in such compromising positions. EW. Compared to licking body parts, I think I would rather give a proper kiss anyday. Sick sick sick. Now i dread the photos. Gone is my reputation. =((

I found someone who felt the same way about university friends... surprised that I could identify with everything that he was experiencing. I guess I really am not alone. Its a solitary life out there... Mark my words.

Alrights. KL next week. =)

hurts bad.

2009-07-15T00:42:00.003+08:00

Hello again. So many things has been happening the past few weeks and many more things are going to happen in the next few days. HECTIC!

My schedule mirrors my feelings right now. Bursting and almost exploding....

I almost gave up on keeping a blog. But not just yet. I shall persevere.

One thing i found out about myself today. I give myself far too much expectations, and this time, i will fail to achieve it. I promised myself that I would give myself up till school reopen to sort out my emotions and i thought i would succeed. Actually its an aim set without much degree of success. I know that now.

I feel like a freaking failure no matter how hard i try to hide it. ='(

sleep deprived

2009-06-24T23:00:00.001+08:00

I'm so tired I can practically feel my dark circles.

Goodnight.

-you make my heart POUND in my chest, even after so long...painful.-

life as i know it

2009-06-24T01:15:00.002+08:00

90210. My current addiction. Just because i'm too bored.

I want to rant about not being able to find someone who wants to do all those things, that i want to do, with. Its a pain in the ass knowing that someone else is doing exactly those things, but the person is not me. It sucks. Especially when its practically impossible that I have mentioned wanting to do those things to anyone. Urghhh... secret desire.

Sometimes I wished I had a twin.

Arts camp is in a few days time. Its the WILD time!! I can't wait. To scream and shout and go crazy, with every reason to do so. whoohoo! It also means that life will be hectic. byebye nights and hello HTHT sessions. =)

hintus prevails.

2009-06-18T00:13:00.002+08:00

HELLO!

I haven't been blogging for a while because I kinda hate for this to be a daily account of my life. I guess there is no such need for such a blog because silent stalkers need not know about the details of my life, all those important will know from me and, thinking about it, all those who are important would have met me! (oh noes i really shouldn't have said that huh, sorry to all those i have not met and are impt! xp)

I have to admit though that there are some ppl that I will not meet. And because of that, my heart aches and breaks a little.

Anyway, I have been enjoying myself more than torturing myself this holidays. The work isn't too tough so I have more time to hang out and chill. Coffee places have become my fav hunts, my friends becoming invaluable treasures. Thank goodness for them. They fill up those free time and make me a happy girl indeed! Especially those who came all the way down specially to visit me at work!! I remember a particularly memorable thursday...

Ok. that's it. Apparently not ready. Hintus prevails....

210509

2009-05-22T01:00:00.003+08:00

I am supposed to be fast asleep.
Instead i'm slow awake.
-.-"

I have no patience. Not with people who come and push their opinions on me insisting that they are not arguing with me and yet tries to resolve the whole issue by saying "well in that case get ____ (higher authority) here so that i would not need to be here ARGUING with you". Talk about setting the trap and walking right into it. URGH. Just get away from me. My fuse is only this long.

Another 3 hrs to kill alone again. I think I will get so familiar with tanjong pagar I would be able to walk around it blindfolded. Where shall I go tml? Its like a mini expedition everytime.

thought: doing retail jobs screw up my body. sleep and meals. thankyouverymuch.

i'm hungry NOW. 1.12am.

recountyy

2009-05-20T23:38:00.002+08:00

Random craving.
I've got craving for dim sum. XIANGLE!!!!! But.... I think before I meet you in June I must go gorge myself once first. hahahaha. I absolutely love dim sum. Its a hidden liking that has surfaced and taken over me by full force recently.

Hilarious moment.
Anyway becky called me today with an emergency- "how to park a car 1101e" exclusion: no driving license and nil lessons, plus...the car is a manual one. faints. Think i spent about half an hour guiding her
"eh left leg step clutch, right leg step break, reverse gear hor... slowly slowly.."
"okie okie..."
"oh remember the handbreak!"
"huh what?"
"release the handbreak!! Press the button!!!"
"can't press!!!"
"One hand can't press??"
"ya.... cannot!!"
"too hard?? USE BOTH HANDS!"
"the clutch very hard to release la!!"
....
"okie now release the clutch by like 30-35 degrees."
"Huh? the car vibrating?? okie... now..............."

"the people across the road at the coffeeshop must be wondering what this kuku is doing parking the car for so so so long" HAHAHA...

First day at work.
Hmm quite the interesting la huh. Can't say i love the job but... nah can't complain, besides the fact that i have 3 hr lunch break ALONE. =( I can totally master the art of solitarity. cool. (doesn't help that the person I keep thinking of can't spare time for me. major BOO.)

But first day of work come with all the oddities. With weird things said to me... to belle... to jo.... it just didn't feel all that right. Also tiring.

It sure was cool though that the other person working at the same booth for another company turned out to be my jc squash mate. Seriously.. how much smaller can singapore get?! As we go through more and more years of education in singapore schools, the circle of friends just gets smaller and tighter. You think you are expanding your social circle by going out there to meet people... but actually you are just redefining your social circle by drawing more concrete 2nd/3rd/4th degree friendship lines. Its freaky... it also makes you more conscious of who you "bitch" about because you never know the "someone" that you vaguely mention and bitch about might be a close friend of someone within that "circle of trust" that you are right at the moment spilling your secrets out to.

I shudder to think of the consequences.

Alrighty. I'm off.
Tomorrow tomorrow, I love you tomorrow.
<3
-because love never fails, i still believe.-

pwx

2009-05-20T23:27:00.002+08:00

undoing what i did has no effect. probably because you are already too caught up in other things/people to look and realise.

i'm upset because... to you i've become inconsequential. its really saddening.

I would be lying if i said i feel the same way too.

Much ado about nothing.

2009-05-18T00:02:00.003+08:00

I finally went for a play!!!! YAY!!
"Much ado about nothing" indeed. =)

Thank you girls+guy for making it happen. I've been wanting to watch it ever since I saw it on sistic website in feb!

The set was not really fantastic and dramatic but it serves the purpose of the play well. The starting was kinda confusing because of the names. The guy's name sounded like the girl's name and all of us got so muddle-headed till it became clear. The first part of the play was more lively and dramatic with much scenes that provoked laughing. The second part after the interval was more draggy and dull. So in comparison, I enjoyed the first half more. The way they spoke in old english and poke fun and sarcasm at each other was a real thrill. I enjoyed deciphering what they were saying and laughing at their hidden jokes and punchlines.

Adrian Pang sure was entertaining. He can sing real well too!! And that mouth clapping thing that he did made us all laugh. He's really cool and a "jester" in the making indeed. =) I love his character and that of Beatrice. She is such a quirky gal (not girl nor lady) and is such a spirited character that is hard not to like. I guess her cheerful demeanor left me hoping for more. I do want to be like her. Go around with no care in the world and yet succumb when it comes to things that matter.

"Much ado about nothing". Apt. I now know why the play is named as such. And i now know the meaning of that phrase.

I want to go again next year!!!! =)

you.

2009-05-17T23:59:00.001+08:00

i took a time check just now and realised its only been a week... and it felt like eternity. =( Still the thing that bothers me, even now that you don't exist.

missing you.

2009-05-17T00:51:00.000+08:00

My first.... what.

oh and i think it has become a habit. =(

gang. jo belle js.

2009-05-15T01:52:00.002+08:00

I (will) see you guys SO many times and yet i'm not complaining.
Not ONE bit.
I love you guys.
5 times in a week. <3

remember joyce.

2009-05-13T23:17:00.000+08:00

There is nothing to tell.
Remember that joyce.

insomnia

2009-05-13T05:27:00.002+08:00

Insomnia came to find me again today. He told me how much he love me and needed my company. In a weird way I welcome him. For then, I would forget everything else and concentrate on figuring out why he came to find me.

Its not that hard. He just wants to take the place of another who resides in his permanent place. And tonight, he stays for a long long time...

And I want him gone.

shit holes

2009-05-12T23:35:00.002+08:00

I climbed out of one shit-hole only to fall face-first into another.
Omg.
Its so retarded.
And the worst thing is,
I think I'm responsible for digging these shit-holes.
With experience,
I get so good at digging,
The holes are getting deeper.

Ironic shit.

you

2009-05-12T23:18:00.001+08:00

Oh stop telling me what to do.
You have no right.
Damn it.

The time traveller's wife.

2009-05-12T02:12:00.003+08:00

Its a love-hate relationship with the nights.

They leave me thinking in the quiet solace. My mind wanders beyond imaginable boundaries. And yet its also the time where i seek company... Even a name on the screen can make me feel less lonely.

Tell me. If I ever have the fortune to meet... someone who would change my life and turn it all around, would I let go and go say hello?

Like Henry and Clare. Its incredible.

my new hair.

2009-05-12T00:19:00.004+08:00

my new hair.
"How would you like to cut your hair?"
"I'm open to suggestions. Cut it anyway you like."

I'm brave.
Sometimes.
That was one of those times.

blocked on msn

2009-05-11T00:02:00.002+08:00

Like a deer shocked by oncoming headlights.

thoughts.

2009-05-10T11:15:00.004+08:00

I wonder who still reads all these things that i type.

Sunsets are an amazing sight. They are the majestic closure to the end of a day. Maybe it is not wrong to say then that every sunset is reflective of someone's day. Each sunset dedicated to a special person in this world...

I found a place to watch sunsets. Marina barrage. The view is just fantastic! Its the ideal place to take those postcard-like photos. s501 was fitting company =). i may be biased but us girls are the perfect beautiful subjects to photograph.

I enjoyed frolicking (haha) around in the grass, trying to fly a kite, taking truckload of photos of the sunset, scenery and of my beautiful ladies. I just missed someone-YINGXIENG. (and of course all the others who didn't turn up!!!)

Anyone of you reading interested in going down to catch the sunset too? Take the train down to Marina Bay and board the shuttle bus. Do bring a picnic mat!

-duh-
In the subsequent talk in starbucks with loraine after saying our goodbyes to the rest of the class, things she said started me thinking...

Everyday may be a challenge. Especially life in uni. Everybody complains that JC was tiring but nobody warned you that uni is much worse. Not the workload but the emotional rollarcoaster that you are made to ride, the need to make superficial friends if any at all, the need to toggle between school work which is still demanding and personal time which keeps you sane. I prefer JC years because somehow in uni, you are forced to grow up-too fast. Life really was much simpler then.

Also, reality check is also very cruel. In uni your heart-wrenching sob story may only be one drop of tear worth in the vast ocean.

In 3 months, some of you might get to experience that feeling which i liken to cultural shock. 4 stages.

Euphoria- everything in uni takes on a positive light, the new environment, the possibility of new friends or more than friends, the notion that you are beginning a whole new journey.

Culture shock- tests? exams? papers to write? 1500 words and with no concept in mind? Oh welcome to my life.

Acculturation- slowly adapting, changing to accommodate the shift in academic vigor, personal life and increase in hi-bye friends... we all change as our environment necessitate for survival, just to what extent.

Stable stage- this depends wholly on you. You can adapt real well and embrace uni life. You can be neutral about it (hardly so.). Or you can forever think that uni life sucks.

Where would you stand?
(and i'm proud of myself that not everything i mugged for went down the toilet bowl. haha)

And i'm gone. and i will disappear.
byeee.

end of sem 2 and year 1

2009-05-09T16:07:00.002+08:00

I have some time on my hands now before i have to prepare to leave house again for another happening night out somewhere. HAHA. =)

The last few days following the end of my papers were exciting and fulfilling. I managed to meet my gang and cut my hair and see some people i've been meaning to see since long long ago. So meaningful and happy.

I can't believe that the end of exams on the 6th of May also marks the end of year1 in uni. Its so surreal that my first year has already passed. It only seems like yesterday when I got my appeal letter and acceptance. Time really flies. So many things have come to past too. Somehow i'm looking forward to next sem, to another ball game altogether.

Nah i'm not about to get all melancholy right now. I don't have the time to type out all of that emotions. I shall make this a short, happy post. =)

I've cut my hair. Year1's over and results would be out on the 29th. Look forward to it or wish that that day never arrives? Now's not the time for me to ponder over that. See you soon blog.

-i try and try but in the end, my heart still prevails. such is my fate. =)-

humans and computers.

2009-05-05T00:01:00.002+08:00

We humans are the ones that created computers....

it follows that they should take on some of our quirky characteristics....

like having shreds of information that can never be truly deleted from their databases...

only hidden within, trapped in the intricately pieced together motherboard...

waiting for the right trigger or meeting the right person before it all spills out again.

how apt.

feel the pain.

2009-04-28T22:48:00.000+08:00

=( upset.
very.

sick and tired.

22nd April

2009-04-23T02:11:00.002+08:00

Because I know Jojo is reading my blog, hello to you. Thanks for company today. I realise I did learn stuff today when I tried doing recall. So, happiness! =) I'm glad I met you and talked about all random stuff. I learn a lot today, mostly about rape and all things related to it. I never know about the "pay-per-entry" thing as E so affectionately named it and the difference between sub-court and high court, not to mention the case igniting in me the whole "do not import foreign workers for a safe Singapore" fury.

But that has come to pass.

On my way home I remember thinking really deeply about something. Only I can't remember what it is all about now. URGH. I know its something important and I promised myself I would spend some time blogging about it. My memory will be the death of me someday.

Anyway. I thought I made some progress. Moved along some. But earthquake happened and guess what? I'm back, square one. This snake and ladder board have improportionate number of snake and ladders. No prize for guessing which populates the board in greater numbers. I need to hire more carpenters.

I seem to have endless patience and endurance for you. And, only you.
I don't understand.

-edit-
I'm hungry.
I should STOP skipping meals.
Not healthy.
But no appetite.
What a dilemma.
=(

A different side of me.

2009-04-23T01:31:00.003+08:00

I remember a while ago I used to take time off my busy schedule to go off somewhere for a day on my own. I called it MY OWNSELF TIME. Yeah it is in bad English but nonetheless I enjoyed these times away from the "real world". Escapism works for me. Then at least.

All those times I spent in national library alone, sitting at the sky garden, drinking in the sights, enjoying the breeze. And all those times I spent on bus 5 all the way from home to Great World City... Its a long ride, one on which i used to spend time glazing out of the window, watching the world pass by. Great World City is deserted on weekdays which suits me just fine. I spend the entire day walking around aimlessly, window shopping at Zara, being a bookworm in Harris, browsing the collections in That CD Shop all the while munching on Subway cookies. There's even GV cinema there. I remember that I wanted to watch "The Leap Year" alone but was too timid to do so... So long ago.

Now I don't seem to do all these anymore. I used to love the isolation and the alone time I get. After all it is really quality time with myself, but now, I seem to crave company more. I seek the comfort that I can get when I'm surrounded by people. The more familiar the face is, the better. And yet I hardly talk. Oh yes mindless chatter? That's for sure. Its all superficial. I wonder when this all started, I think it has been there for a while now, only I discovered it now.

3 months waiting for me to "heal" myself. To be comfortable in my own skin again and to be appreciative of my own company. To stand up tall. To be able to tell myself "Joyce lift up your head high, chin up!" and believe in it wholeheartedly. =)

Arh. To be a daredevil again. How fun that would be.

I bet reading all of this, you are surprised to find a different side of me. Not many people know.

cycling

2009-04-21T21:30:00.004+08:00

Never expected cycling to be so fun. I still have to learn how to be stable and cycle in a straight line along the road and how to make sharp turns. Its that chicken heart of mine, making me fearful of falling, that's holding me back!!! I still don't deal well with pedestrians but am making great progress on slopes. *grins* Its the achievement that has me singing along to that tune in my head. =) One day i shall be confident enough to go night cycling!!

Talking about singing and tunes... I brought along my guitar and we had a mini strumming session along the beach. Talk about romantic. HAHA!!! Maybe something can be done with regards to the company!! XP I'm so sorry you. HAHA. Though neither of us can really sing, he was real great at deciphering the cords and I of course am great at playing cords! (totally kidding! My nails were too long on my left hand it was a chore getting the cords right.) but it sure was relaxing and something that I had thought of doing a while back. Thanks for remembering and making that effort. I appreciate it.And it was a beautiful day with skies that tinge of blue and the grass that green. =)

21st april

2009-04-21T14:10:00.002+08:00

Hmm. as expected, i didn't sleep all that well last night. This morning/afternoon i was so reluctant to get out of bed, tired and yet more sleep would only make me more restless. Didn't managed to get ultra good sleep cause of one reason or another but partly cause everybody (or so it seems) decided that they should message me at odd hours aka 2am, 6am, 9am... bahhh. Sabotage my sleep!!

Okies i'm off. Cycling time =) because i promised myself to get out more and breathe more fresh air.

bothered

2009-04-20T23:57:00.002+08:00

Am very bothered by your presence AND absence.

Why won't you say something nice.

central library

2009-04-20T13:15:00.002+08:00

DO I HAVE TO EMPHASIS ON HOW I HATE SITTING NEXT TO PEOPLE WHO SHAKE THEIR LEGS???

BLOODY IRRITATING.

That was a total mood spoiler. I don't only have to stand the shaking of the table and the floor trembles but I also have to be forced to listen to the sound of his jeans rubbing against the plastic seat covering! URGHH. eek..eek..eek..eek the whole time. I've got a good mind to turn and give him a killer stare if he doesn't quit soon. Lets see my tolerance level.

Anyways on to happier things. I HAD MY MAC BREAKFAST!! =) Happy happy. Its amazing how such things can light up my life now. hahaha. My proj mate was so nice to offer company for breakfast. =) Haha but i being the unappreciative idiot tried to remind him of his age the whole time. heehee. Can't blame me la. I'm not even 20 yet and he's already reaching the halfway mark. "Different generation" lo. Quite nice to make fun of. xp

Yawns. I'm so tired. =( Time to adjust my sleeping time to that of a normal person... Not an easy thing to do.

Hello recess week.

you

2009-04-20T01:20:00.001+08:00

because even after it all. i still feel that tinge in my heart vicinity. =(

cravings.

2009-04-20T00:29:00.002+08:00

I'm craving for tauhuay!! and mac breakfast-mcmuffin!! and i want my p.osh brownies too!!

I think i'm pregnant. Craving for so many things.

Should I go to sch earlier tml to get my mac breakfast fix??? should i should i should i??

relationships

2009-04-19T22:55:00.002+08:00

"You know that feeling? That feeling when you just want the right thing to fall into the right place, not only because it’s right, but because it will mean that such a thing is still possible? I want to believe that."

I just saw the above quote when blog-hopping a while ago. Sets me thinking and in a way, it sure is a great wrap-up quote for this entire week.

It has been a roller-coaster week for me. No not in terms of studies. I had my projects done since last week. More like in terms of my emotions and mental health. Of course certain people would know what i am referring to. How i was so affected and just keep acting like a freaking 90 yr old engine, breaking down coughing dust. Hmm my sleeping patterns were a more accurate indication of that. Insomnia took control of my sleep. urgh. And there was this one night that i couldn't sleep because i could hardly breathe after all those tears. Hmm thankful for those who stayed up with me!

In any case, one episode of my life has just finished production. I shall now proceed to tie up all the loose ends and place that roll of film into the storage room. I now sleep better (LOADS) and feel much happier.

You know what you have done. Somethings will just haunt your memories. Some people will never fade. It pricks at your conscious. I think I gave everything I could. And now I can give no more because I feel that I'm only being taken advantage of and because of the possibility that you don't care for all of that anyway. You know how depressing that is to me.

Anyway, I remember a quote from GG said by Blair that goes along the lines of... "I like watching those movies over and over again because that way, I know how things are going to turn out in the end." I agree with her. Somehow. Maybe it might make life boring because you know how things are going to be like, you don't have the chance to experiment. But I guess i'm jaded. For a little while at least. I want my efforts to count towards something... not wasted because someone don't appreciates or recognise it. I know I will probably take back all these words someday... As of now, lets hope that someday comes. =)

because the quote echos something deep within me...

hurting myself over things.

2009-04-12T23:04:00.002+08:00

I had a really bad day. =(

I don't know what am i up to anymore. Lost that sense of direction. URGH. I need my motivation back asap since exams are so freaking near. Its a wonder i ain't freaking out just yet. Just wait just wait... soon i will and then will it be too late?

I'm so sorry for being so emo-mo-mo nowadays. I really am. And its not my fault entirely that i'm so fair. Don't blame me for it. Its my skin tone. Don't like it or think that i'm real ghostly? Oh just leave me alone. I don't need such comments cluttering up my life.

Angsty me. HAHA.

There's just something I haven't got figured out. I think I know the answer but I can't quit thinking or wondering if it is really the right one. Too bad life is really not like a MCQ exam, don't know the answer oh well just pick up that dice and "ti-kam". If only. Reminds me of the game plan that we came up with for our presentation for intercultural coms.. hahaha. i had fun writing that. Ask to see it if you are interested. I'm sure you'll gather a laugh if not a couple from it. =)

My days were really full this week. I had so much time playing after projects were over. I went cycling finally!! And all would be glad to know that I broke that lousy curse which decreeds that I fall everytime i cycle. So proud of myself. Hahahaha. Only I embarrassed myself so many times in front of shaun. urgh. Met like so many ppl... who somehow all turned out to by guys... =( I'm not promiscuous. really.

Actually it sucks. Because it is a matter of feeling right. And nope none of them felt right. Not the way its supposed to be. Not the way I feel when... when i'm with you. hahahaa. Is it therefore a bad thing to have so many guy friends? blah. Don't judge me. You have no idea how I feel.

I had a bad day. =(
I need sleep.
and a hug.
*hugs*

nites

xiangle

2009-04-11T00:33:00.000+08:00

"aiyoh,must mug harder la!
dun be a lazy bum and let ur mind wander off
too bad i'm not free..
maybe u can make a mannequin of me to accompany u to study and keep ur mind focused..
hahaha"

=)

live life for such small things.
thanks for making me smile.

money

2009-04-07T20:22:00.001+08:00

money is the root of all evil..................

Joyce just wants to be happy and contented.

14 freaking essays

2009-04-04T20:06:00.002+08:00

I can't wait for tuesday to come! Once tuesday is history, i would be done with all my group presentations as well as assignments. It is going to be a huge sigh of relief.

Just yesterday I was counting the number of essays that i had to write this sem and the number came up to about 14. OMG. This as compared to last sem is a killer amount. No wonder this sem, half the time i'm busy pulling out my hair. 14 essays!!! I'm still so awed by the amount... consider that i have not added in my weekly reflections and all the different drafts. I must have lost alot of hair... haha.

Hmm.. supposed to be doing my assignment now but... i've got no mood. then again, what's new.

-make me smile and laugh again.. like the world can't be more beautiful.-

confessions.

2009-04-02T02:26:00.002+08:00

I had a wonderful night. Watched "Confessions of a Shopaholic" with pampam at downtown east. =) What an enjoyable date girl. So glad we went to catch it, definitely lighten up my mood LOADS. And the sushi dinner? Just wonderful.

Anyone hesitating over whether to watch that movie or not? WELL, its so light-hearted and funny and colourful, its sure to lighten up ur mood. So if u need a cheer-me-up thing to do, u've found it. Rebecca Bloomwood would make u smile and laugh. Bring along that girlfriend of yours and chill out together. Have a bf? Well, he'll probably enjoy the silliness, but, this is a GIRLFRIEND movie!

Btw i said some stupid stuffs again today. Not things that i don't mean. But just... i sound so desperate and pathetic saying it, i just want to slap myself upside down. BUT i mean it.

You know, I can feel myself changing, and into what kind of person i don't know. I just don't like this new joyce. Subtle changes and already I'm complaining. Remind me of that cheerful girl I once was please. I seem to have this perpetual gloom hanging above my head. My work only suffers because of it. Not right not right. Where are you, the one person who could make the world seem so much prettier and better?

Now, hand me back my mask. BIG SMILE. say cheese. *click* (because to the rest, only the superficial joyce matters)

I would love to blog more but maybe another time. SLEEP.

=(

2009-04-01T01:32:00.002+08:00

31st March. i had a serious case of "something's missing".

Its so bad. It lasted the whole day, even till now.
My dreams tonight... they can only revolve around dreams.

ARTS beach fiesta

2009-03-29T12:13:00.002+08:00

"Life's a BEACH, deal with it."

Yesterday was sentosa beach games day. Organised by Arts and Social Sciences Club.
-learned how to play touch rugby
-sat around and enjoy the sun upon my skin
-stand around admiring the blueness of the sky, the greenness of the trees, the turquoiseness of the sea.
-found out that i'm actually not too bad in frisbee. pleasant surprise!
-got the singlet. nice.
-saw disgusting sight of people who shouldn't be baring their "assets" in bikinis... Secondary boobs indeed.
-the sun was so stinging, i swear my scalp is sunburnt.
-my eyes were also sunburnt, everyone can't seem to stop remarking "eh joyce your eyes are VERY red leh, you okie or not?"
-going on stage for "don't forget the lyrics" and failing horribly at it
-gulping down many many mouthful of 100plus. Like 3 cans at least.
-people-watched
-felt like its vacation time already. Bali...
-slap on loads of sunblock. because of my ultra-sensitive skin. Forgot my neck area. ouch.
-squeeze into yongkang's car. 8 ppl in total in a 5 seater. Beat that! 3 guys 4 girls. Severely overloaded.

Wasn't exactly in the best of moods yesterday. Somehow, something was bugging me. Nothing that i can place my finger on. Probably a mixture of lack of sleep, someone pissing me off, someone else being irritating company, the super hot sun, playing a game(hardly) that I didn't really want to play, yearning for someone's company and being denied.

-oh gosh i need a bear hug. I want to be soothed and comforted. Like a baby... that's what i've been relegated to.-

I want to watch "confessions of a shopaholic".

23.03.09

2009-03-24T23:16:00.002+08:00

I want a replay of last night!!! =)

One of the best nights i've had. Seriously.
What beats shopping with buddy belle then TIMBRE after that with her hall friends?
Its times like these that i'm really grateful i'm such a approachable person. xp

Shopping for sat. I realised i probably should get a two piece swimming costume. HAHA. That was an attempt to de-sexualise it. Failed didn't i? So down to far east we headed after my lessons. Whoohoo. The day doesn't end after 6! So after trying on a few of those above mentioned suits, we ended up buying something that we chose for each other. hahahaha. I still don't understand how that works. Maybe its because we choose according to our taste and perference so eventually whatever that was chosen would fit ourself better. A thought...

Yups so after that we headed down to timbre@arts house on a MONDAY night. =)
So glad that i went. Initially i was reluctant because i hardly know the people who are going... probably just know them by face and know that they are belle's friends. BUT i'm glad i made that leap of faith and decided to let my hair loose, to go drink booze, enjoy great music and make new friends! "Jie jiu xiao chou" too mah huh.

The canadian exchange students came and joined us too. 3 guys, out of which 2 are confirmed not native canadians. hahaha what does that imply? hmmhmm. Oh. and they are having so much fun here in nus, they are going to bali to play during recess week!!!!! The rest of us were staring at them in wonder and awe, i won't deny envy on my part too. Recess week is the time we all chiong for exams, trying to cram in everything learnt within the semester, hoping that last min work will help us scrape a decent grade... And here they are, vacationing during that critical period. Speechless. They are friendly people, nonsense filled. According to them, they don't play computer games back in their country. They only started when they got here because, "...there is just nothing to do in Singapore! Oh and the zoo sucks." LOL. This isn't the first time that i've heard that comment from a foreigner. In any case, we Singaporeans are constantly harping about "Where to go ar? Everywhere also so crowded. Also nothing to see one lo."

Towards the later part of the evening, where many of us have already taken about 2 cups of alcohol, we started loosening up more. (I shared my drinks!! And I really didn't drink much.) We got high and sang aloud to the live band. Since we were sitting right at the stage, the players talked to us and played requests nearing the closing time. Singing with our arms in the air, and even getting one of us to take the stage and sing a couple of songs, say isn't that the life? Cameras were working overtime that night. Photos are up on facebook as usual. =) Alot of blurred photos though due to lighting and novice camera users. HAHA.

After the whole episode at Timbre, we cabbed back to hall. It was my stayover day. Supper at Shears! Nice. =) I'm such a great koper of food la. Haha. Cheese fries and fried rice, cct, pancakes. OOH! I'm hungry now thinking of the food. Stay in hall and get fat in no time. I swear. haha.

After that belle went to craig's room and i went to crash at tianyi's room to see those lovely two balls of fluff. =) so adorable!! Only snowy bit my finger. ouch. Stayed there for very long because belle was taking her own sweet time. People come by and say hello, ask pointed qns, look at me in wonder... HAHA. Amazing. Only left quite late after belle came by and crashed out. In fact it was early morning when we left. I had only time for 1 and a half hr slp before i had classes. Yup my classes start at 8am. Go figure.

I love 23.03.09. Didn't regret going and doing all that i did. playback please? =))

temasek hall dance

2009-03-22T01:25:00.002+08:00

Hate that I love you.
What's a man to do.

The 2 songs that were featured in the last dance of Temasek Hall dance concert today. Like that dance the most, maybe cause it struck that cord deep within me. Hmm..

Belle. U danced well. Glad that I went. =) See your hard work pay off. All those late nights that I know you had and those weekends burnt. Now that its over, I guess you would miss it all, but at the same time heave a sigh of relief. No more "ttyl, i got dance prac"!!! YAY totally looking forward to that.

Hmm. Saw jo after so long. Miss her so.

I wonder why is it that guys are nice to me. Now I'm paranoid. Save me.

Bye.

yu yun

2009-03-18T19:50:00.002+08:00

because they are mine. =)

Today i saw my cousins... I told the youngest "i miss you alot you know". She smiled shyly at me, allowing me to engulf her in a huge hug (considering the fact that she's still so small). Then she looked at me and nod her head in response to "do you miss me too?"

My heart... its all given away.

<3

a large part of it still lies with my darling.

funny stuff

2009-03-17T04:03:00.002+08:00

What is joyce doing up so late? Her head is starting to pound. BOOS.

Hmm... U know the weird thing? I'm in hall now in lisabelle's room as always on monday nights cause of tuesdays morning 8am lessons. It is supposed to ensure that i can sleep more and wake up later for lessons. Yet it ends up being counter-productive. I don't sleep when i come over. Hmm.. I just came back from supper and bathing actually. Supper that was my dinner and supper combined. OMG i'm just going to balloon. Actually... not that anyone would really care. HAHA only my wardrobe would shrink cause i would refuse to wear certain pieces of clothing that would "show-off" my more-plus-sized-figure. ..

I'm missing home. Its so unexpected. I have no idea why in the last month or so.. i've been wanting to stay home, to go home, to be where i belong. I think its where i feel most comforted. URGH. I really don't like this feeling. I have never felt like this before all these things happened. The feeling that i need a safe habour. Somehow i detest the feeling because it only indicates just how dependent i have become, how frail my strength is when i'm all exposed to the "element" whatever they might be. My temper hasn't been well too. Nor my emotions. Stop complaining that i've been "fake laughing". I know. Just bear with it alright. I'm laughing really. Just that i'm not in a belly laugh. =) there's still that bit of joyce in there. hee hee.

Remember my last post? (just scroll down if not.) After evaluating the amount of work i have left to do, i kinda make sure i keep my panic level down. Its still going to be stressful weeks ahead but they don't look as daunting as before... thank goodness for group work. makes it all lighter somewhat. It sure does help that most of the group work are half done or more or less discussed. Makes me happier somehow. Well, my sense of time has been like shit recently. Like what i told my aunt... I think that last time i had something to look forward to, no matter how small, every single week. I had this reprieve from LIFE with a little away time with... now, every week is just a pain so i've stopped anticipating the work every week. With more time on my hands, i tend to just let it slip by. Someone please kill me. And the time is not used to do stuff like SLEEPING but they just slip away... like water slipping out of hands. Or eels wriggling out, so slippery it doesn't matter how tightly u hold on to them.

I have been taking advice and filling up my time. =) not that it actually helps cause stuff still linger in the subconscious of my mind. BUT at least i'm trying to do something about it!! I've been spending quite sometime with becky! Watched marley and me, had re ben cun, ben and jerry's, jitterbugs dance lessons, thai express with my girl. Haha, thanks girl for offering your time so generously to me. I appreciate it alot. Really. So much so i'm almost shedding tears. lol. stop laughing at me!! So i've signed up for broadway jazz. HAHA. can imagine me dancing?? So sorry jian, I'm going ahead with my plan regardless of how "off" u think me dancing will be. U'll soon get used to it i bet.

My complexion is getting bad.. then now getting better. but since i decided not to slp tonight.. i hate to think how ghostly i would look tml. So sorry for scarying whoever who sees me. xp
OH YA!! Today sure is a great day (or should i say ytd? since its like.. 4.25 now?) I saw azy,nad, jf and wanwan!!! How rare that i see them in sch.. much less seeing them all on the same day! I love my darling girls. =) They are really the reason why i am glad i went to mj. cause i got to know the whole gang. We can be thankful for all these little things. and the fact that i got my P.osh brownies today IN SCHOOL!!! should have seen my grin. =D

Other random comments made my day too... =)
Oh... Someone out there, i'm sorry if i don understand the concern that you have been showering over me, for a few years now. Not that i don appreciate it but just that you have a weird way of expressing it that just makes me pissed off instead.

Other funny things:
-Go to youtube, search for "torn mime" and prepare to laugh... it will help if ur mind is not entirely "clean" when u watch it. xp
- My new media lecturer doesn't know how to use youtube. He thought that if he pressed pause on the screen, it will literally cause all activities on that page to pause!!! Including the loading of the media. He's seriously hilarious. Esp when the 10 windows that he open appear to give out weird random sounds(since the videos are not paused...) during the length of his lecture... AND the best part? He's a new media lecturer...........
- a new emoticon: @:{)=== guess!

Ans: sikh with a turban and long beard!!! cute huh!

Alrighty that's all.. I have an assignment due on fri. And i have not started on it. RARRR.

byee.

life's a beach

2009-03-12T11:06:00.003+08:00

NUS FASS: Life's a BEACH.
28th March 2009
Tanjong Beach, Sentosa

I'm so going. I miss the sun!!! and the fun!!! Just because life's a beach. =)
Week 11... Such a great time. I suspect that by then my eyebags will be HORRIBLE. ew.
6 more projs to go.
I so need that "Jiayou".

Byee

love...

2009-03-11T01:28:00.002+08:00

If I say I have fallen in love again.
What would you think?
=)

Possible not? And WHO?

on the day of the might-have-been 2 months.

the you that was mine

2009-03-08T14:47:00.004+08:00

Because i read something somewhere that touched me so...

When you left,
you said nothing would change
that we can be how we were before
you there for me, whenever
each existing in each others lives,
in each others hearts.
I don't doubt it
and yet when I say I miss you,
you fail to understand
that I miss you
and miss those times.
when...
the you were mine
and mine alone.

byee

=)

2009-03-07T20:54:00.001+08:00

I had such a wonderful day today. =)

chinese-fied

2009-03-05T15:24:00.002+08:00

我今天想用华语来表达自己。不知道为什么突然间会有这个念头，可能是想让自己再对华语产生兴趣或是要让大家知道我的华文程度不是想象中的那么糟。

我觉得我是一个很重感情的人。无论是什么事我总是会以心情去做主，如果有必要我才会再用大脑三思。在我这十九年内我做了不少选择，没有什么是会让我感到后悔莫及的。

我总是觉得我在每一个感情上花了不少心思，也在自己和他人身上有很高的期望，所以一次又一次的被伤害。是不是我太自私？还是因为我真的幻想了一个太美满的世界，没有人能给我所求？

很简单的愿望和理想，很单纯的思想和美梦，我要怎么做才能拥有呢？我所爱的人你听到我在想你吗？我等。要有耐心。可是等的过程是很辛苦的。。。

TRANSLATION (for you lazy buggers)
Today i shall use chinese to express myself. I don't know where this thought came from. Maybe it is in a bid to let myself be interested in the language again or to prove to others that my standard of chinese is not as dismal as they thought.

I think that I'm a very emotional person. Every decision that I make, I tend to focus more on my emotions and let them lead me. Only when its really needed do I make the effort to evaluate my options with logical thought. In the 19 years of my life, I can't say that I've made any decisions that I have deeply regreted.

I think that I'm also a person that is very deliberate in her thoughts. I am also one that sets high expectations on myself and others around me, maybe that is why I get hurt so often. Higher expectations translate to greater disappointment afterall. Am I considered selfish then? Or is it because I pictured such a perfect world, one which no one is able to realistically give me?

Simple wishes and thoughts, naive thinking and dreams, just what must I do to obtain them? My loved one, do you hear my heart calling out to you? I wait. I must have patience. But you must know that the process is one filled with pain...

tata

procrastinating

2009-03-05T02:22:00.002+08:00

I HATE MYSELF FOR PROCRASTINATING.
URGH I CAN TOTALLY KILL MYSELF FOR TORTURING MYSELF LIKE THIS.
STUPID S.E.A. ESSAY.

and i have a test on fri as well. HOW TO STUDY i ask u.
i'm so tempted to skip sch tml.
=(

JOYCE is such a MESS.
and its all her fault.
though not entirely..... =(

i want a whole month of break all to myself. and i plan ALL the activities and miraculously they will all come true and all paid for my the mystery of the godmother's wand. oh yes i dream...

keeper

2009-03-03T12:59:00.004+08:00

"Joyce Lim needs a KEEPER!"

Its amazing. The number of interpretations this single sentence holds.

1. I, Joyce became a pet. Keeper= owner.
2. I am looking for a goal-keeper
3. Joyce needs a keeper (chickflick-girly sense... "Girl!! he's a keeper!")
4. Joyce needs someone to watch her and make her do work.

scared.

2009-02-28T21:20:00.004+08:00

I've been scaring myself. Still probably am.

No I'm not suicidal. Just not being myself.

And just when I need people the most, I'm afraid that what I'm doing is only driving them further away from me.

Whatever it is, please stay. Cause I don't know what I want nor what I'm doing, really.

This time, everything's about me.

I'm sorry no one understands. Not even me sometimes.

afterwords

2009-02-23T15:27:00.003+08:00

I thought I found the key to my own happiness but it turned out to be a duplicate, a thrown-away. Another key that someone had tried using to reach their own happiness, only to find out that the key leads to a dizzying maze that ends in futility.

They say everything in life is driven by logic. Since when? Or maybe they referred to warped logic. Who's to say that its not logic when someone can stand up and defend everything by going around in circles?

The truth is, I'm upset. I am VERY upset. Its the sort of feeling that can't be adequately described in words, not because I don't possess the vocabulary but because it is something that has to be experienced personally. The only word I can come up with at this point in time would be- NUMBNESS.

When someone experience something that is extreme or beyond their threshold, they either refuse to accept it or they bury it deep within themselves. External stimuli can cause them to become either extremely happy or extremely emotional. It is a pendulum motion. But it is clearly a time bomb. I find myself having to constantly control my emotions. Everyone thinks that I'm strong because they can't see my weakness. They can't see how much effort I need to put in to make everything seem alright and acceptable to me. I've learnt to deal with everything far too efficiently- in my opinion.

In such times I can't help but be glad for all the people around me. Lets just say that i'm pleasantly surprised by a few of you who have shown me how you can go out of your way to make me feel loved. My family and friends. The support is really overwhelming. To the people who might misunderstand what happened, maybe you never truly understood me nor my feelings at this point in time. I don't blame you all and I'm equally glad for your presence. =) Its true, what they say, in times like these do you see the real angels beside you.

I have to say that I don't regret anything that I have done.

upset

2009-02-22T11:50:00.002+08:00

Joycie thinks she's scaring herself and everyone around her.

She was awake the whole night, unable to fall into deep slumber because thoughts were invading her mind. No it wasn't a good night. All she did was lie there, think and pray. Those precious tears that usually pour out of that tap were no where in sight. It was as though everything was dried up, and she, have dried up like prune. Her thoughts ranged from acceptance to pure denial. As though demons were present. There were points in time when she felt strong and calm and clear-headed, and some where she felt helpless, hopeless and pathetic.

She is in a stoning mood. Words don't come out of her mouth like how they used to. It is never the same again.